Epic Love
by lajulie
Summary: Here is what is believed: that Leia Organa has been abandoned by her husband and her brother, the two men who loved her best, in her time of greatest need. But things are not always as they seem. A TFA fix-it fic about family, the Force, and the love that could save the galaxy. Again. Also features Luke, Chewbacca, Rey, Finn, and mentions or cameos by several others.
1. Chapter 1 - By Your Side

**Chapter 1 - By Your Side**

Han Solo's Ubese was a little rusty, but he understood enough to know that this wasn't a friendly conversation. Of course, the blaster pointed at him was a bit of a tip-off, too.

"Come on, I'm sure this is just a little misunderstanding," he said, putting on his most charming smile and giving a slight nod to Chewbacca. "Your boss is gonna get his money. These things just take time."

[Forget it, Solo. My boss isn't interested in giving you any more chances. Time to pay up], the bounty hunter said, finger on the trigger.

Chewie made his move, but the bounty hunter seemed to have anticipated it, jumping out of the way and, despite their small size, leveling the Wookiee with a well-placed blow to the hip.

Mere minutes later, Han and Chewie were in binders. [Now, let's get a tour of my new ship], their captor said, leading them up the ramp of the _Eravana_ at blaster point.

The ramp made a loud scraping sound as it closed, and the bounty hunter holstered their blaster. "I didn't hurt you, Chewie, did I?" asked Leia, her voice still metallic-sounding from the voice modulator behind her helmet.

[I'm fine, Little Princess], Chewie said, struggling with his wrists. [You could've made these binders a little less tight, though.]

"Sorry. Had to make it believable for our little audience in the hangar," she said, removing his binders and starting to work on Han's. She pulled off Han's binders, then reached over her head to remove her helmet and hood, shaking a few loose tendrils of hair out of her face.

Han drank her in, a crooked grin spreading across his face. "You even make this getup look good, Sweetheart," he admired, shaking his head.

Her brown eyes twinkled, but she wasn't feeling terribly patient at the moment. "Shut up and kiss me, flyboy," she demanded, pulling his body to hers. It had only been six weeks since their last meeting, but their kisses were urgent, hungry, as if they'd been separated for years. Then their urgency melted into a slow, comfortable embrace, and they continued kissing, leaning up against the corridor of the ship.

[Don't mind me! I'm just going to go take off now so you two can mate all over the damn place!] Chewie yelled sarcastically behind them on his way to the cockpit.

Han lifted his head. "Thanks, Pal!" Leia laughed softly, then leaned in to Han for one more kiss before pulling him along the corridor toward the captain's quarters.

Han fingered the edge of Leia's tunic. "This is a little blast from the past," he commented, as they made their way down the corridor. The disguise was the same one she'd used to spring him from Jabba the Hutt's palace thirty years ago.

She sighed. "Yeah, who knew this would come in so handy? We use it for reconnaissance missions sometimes now. Doesn't fit me quite the way it used to, though." She smiled ruefully. "Of course, nothing really fits me the way it used to anymore."

He palmed open the door to his quarters and led her inside. "Princess," he chided gently, his hand on her waist, "do I need to show you again how beautiful you are?"

She smiled at him slyly. "You gonna worship at my feet?"

Han drew her to him and pretended to consider that. "Well, I was thinkin' about worshiping some _other_ areas, but if you want me to start with your feet—"

He was interrupted by her mouth on his again.

* * *

"I miss the _Falcon_ ," Leia yawned, snuggling into Han's chest, her hair spilling out onto the pillow behind her.

Han pretended to do a double take. "I need to record the time and the date. You miss the _Falcon_?"

She punched him lightly on the shoulder. "You know I love that ship almost as much as you do," she said, lying back. "The _Falcon_ was home. This is fine…it's just not home."

Han sighed, staring up at the ceiling of the bunk. "I know. Still scanning for it. Told Chewie we should check the Western Reaches again, but he doesn't think Ducain would've taken it out that way." He shook his head. "Hell, for all I know he sold it off for parts years ago."

Leia furrowed her brow thoughtfully. "Wedge has been out in the Western Reaches recently. Too bad I can't put him on the case."

Han turned over onto his side, facing Leia again. "How's he doing?"

She turned toward him as well, reaching her hand up to trace small circles on his shoulder. "About as well as can be expected, I guess. I've got him busy training pilots and running reconnaissance most of the time." Leia looked a bit wistful. "It's hard, though. He really misses Luke."

"Yeah, he ain't the only one," Han sighed.

She squeezed his shoulder, her eyes focused on his. "You know it's different for Wedge. He hasn't seen his _husband_ in four years."

Han smiled at her. "Tell him to suck it up," he teased, trying to lighten the mood. "You haven't seen your husband in _seven_ years." Leia punched him again, and they both laughed, but they immediately grew quiet. Han pulled her closer, and caressed her arm with gentle strokes.

After a few minutes, Leia broke the silence. "Does it bother you that people think we've been apart all this time?"

He moved his hand to her face, cupping it gently, his thumb running down her cheekbone. "'Course it does. This is epic love, Leia. Nobody wants to think that it all went to shit."

* * *

Here is what is believed: that Leia Organa has been abandoned by her husband and her brother, the two men who loved her best, in her time of greatest need. Her son Ben was lost to the Dark Side, responsible for a massacre; her daughter Jaina was killed in an attack meant to target Leia. And even with the New Republic crumbling, the new Jedi Order destroyed, and her family in tatters, Leia endures and continues to fight, alone.

Some of these things are true. Ben was seduced to the Dark Side and committed the massacre at the Jedi temple, seeking to destroy all that his uncle had tried to rebuild. The First Order's rise from the ashes of the Empire continues to threaten the very survival of the New Republic. And despite the attempt on her life and the odds against her, Leia endures and continues to fight.

But these things are also true: The Jedi were crippled by the massacre, but not destroyed. For years now, Luke Skywalker has been establishing a series of small colonies of Force-sensitive beings, trained on the planets that had housed the old Jedi temples. Leia and Han have helped Luke identify, protect, and safely transport students to these colonies for years. Their daughter Jaina is alive and well, hidden from her brother and the First Order, and being trained in the ways of the Force by her uncle.

And Han is still Leia's greatest love, and she his. They send their love in coded messages that say, "You know," in the sudden arrival of ships or supplies to the Resistance, in a smuggling job that has mysteriously become available. And when they can, they steal some reunion time under whatever ruses or disguises will get them alone together for a day or so.

* * *

Han's kisses were hot on Leia's neck as she began pinning up her braids. "Quit that," she said, a little halfheartedly. "You're distracting me."

He chuckled softly. "That was the idea."

She tilted her head back at him. "You've already distracted me once this morning, Solo. Don't start something you can't finish."

"Oh, I intend to finish, all right." She rolled her eyes, but bared her neck to him and made a satisfied hum as he continued his kisses, snaking an arm around her waist as he did so.

"You do know that I need to actually accomplish the mission I'm supposedly here to do," she reminded him. "People are starting to get suspicious of all my solo trips."

She could feel his grin on her neck, and he stopped kissing her for a minute. "Did you just make a pun?"

She smiled slyly. "Maybe." He returned to her neck, and she gave in and gave up pretending to get ready for the day.

* * *

This space, this time after love, had always been special. Sometimes they talked; some things seemed easier to discuss in the quiet after their storm. Sometimes being together in the silence was enough.

Today, Leia definitely had something on her mind. "It's time to find Luke," she said, her voice firm in its conviction. "It's time for them to come back."

Han held her closer. "I miss her, too," he said quietly. Luke had disappeared, Jaina with him, four years ago. For the three years before that, Jaina had lived with Han and Chewbacca on the _Falcon_ , traveling the galaxy and hiding in the smuggling compartments or the cargo hold when others came on board. Leia had managed a few visits a year, when they thought they could chance it.

Luke had hidden Jaina's Force presence to stage her death; they'd thought that precaution and her parents' supposed breakup would be enough to hide her until she was older, until enough of the new Jedi had been trained. But one disastrous mission had lost the _Falcon_ and almost revealed Jaina to the First Order. They'd managed one last visit from Leia to say goodbye – the last time Luke, Leia, and Han had all been together— then Luke took Jaina with him and vanished. Despite their strong bond in the Force, the only thing Leia could sense about Luke now was that he was still alive.

"It's not just Jaina," Leia said. She had that look that Han sometimes referred to as "Force face;" on Leia, it looked like unusually intent daydreaming. "Something's happening in the Force," she said. "I can feel it. Something has changed. I don't know what it is, but I know that we need Luke." She turned back toward Han and placed a kiss on his hand, which was resting on her shoulder. "But I miss our girl. We need to bring her home."


	2. Chapter 2 - Hold On To This Lullaby

**Chapter 2 - Hold On To This Lullaby**

"Am I crazy to hope we can get him back?" Leia wondered, pacing back and forth. Eight weeks after their last interlude, they'd managed to steal away together to Tatooine, a planet neither of them had planned nor wanted to visit again. Chewie had gotten a reprieve from chaperoning them this time; Han had sent him back to Kashyyk for a long-overdue visit with Malla before they started their next job.

They'd met here because Luke had spent significant time in Obi-Wan Kenobi's old place in the Jundland Wastes, and Leia thought they might be able to find some clues to Luke's and Jaina's whereabouts there. But Luke wasn't the person Leia was talking about getting back right now.

"I don't think you're _crazy_ ," Han replied. "I _want_ to believe we can get him back. But honestly? I don't know." He paused. "'S like I told you. Whatever Snoke was offerin' – they got him on the hook, sure as if they'd gotten him on spice. And with what he's done—" Han gave his wife a look that was deadly serious. "He might not think there _is_ a way back now. Might not think he deserves it." Han had seen plenty of people in Shrike's gang get so desperately hooked on spice that they did something they'd never dream of doing sober. Shrike would use their shame to manipulate them into a spiral of self-loathing, until they were willing to do even more unspeakable things, convinced they were unworthy of anything better. Snoke was likely playing a similar game.

Then again, what Ben had already done was worth an immense measure of shame and regret. Han hoped that his son had _that_ , at the very least.

"Anakin Skywalker didn't deserve it, either. But he came back," Leia pointed out. True. Ben hadn't even had _time_ to do all the evil that Vader had done before turning back to the light.

Han wished they'd brought more cushions or mats from the ship; the floor of Kenobi's hut wasn't exactly comfortable, and he wasn't as young as he used to be. This conversation was not exactly comfortable, either. But talking about Ben hadn't been comfortable for a long time now.

Leia looked thoughtful. "He's conflicted, Han. There's still light there. But I don't know how much longer there will be. We don't have a lot of time."

Han suddenly realized another reason Leia was so intent on finding Luke now. She wanted _both_ their children back. "You think Luke can help bring him back. Figure out how," he guessed.

Leia slumped against the wall and sat down. "Maybe. I don't know. I just—" her face had a pained expression that Han rarely saw. She shook her head. "I just miss the kids," she said softly. Han scooted over and put his arms around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I used to be able to feel them, just reach out and know they were in the world. That they were okay. And now, they're just _gone_. Or almost gone." Jaina was hidden in the Force, and Ben had locked down his shields soon after the massacre; it was a testament to how strong Leia was in the Force that she could find him at all anymore.

Han could do little more than hold her; he hoped that would be enough. "I know, Sweetheart," he said. "I miss them too."

* * *

 ** _Seven years ago…_**

It was a lot for a ten-year-old girl to take in, but Jaina had always been mature for her age. She was like her mother that way. After she'd been injured in that attack on Leia, it had become clear that they needed to do something drastic to protect her-next time, they might not be so lucky. Jaina had accepted the news bravely, lamenting that she would have to leave her mother, but glad that she would at least get to stay on the _Falcon_ with her father and her uncle Chewie.

Luke looked at Leia and Jaina. "I'm going to hide Jaina's Force presence now. You're probably going to feel your bond break."

Jaina clutched her mother's hand. "I'm right here, sweetheart," Leia assured her.

Han could tell precisely when it happened. Leia and Jaina both inhaled sharply, but simultaneously looked like they'd had the wind knocked out of them. Leia had a look of horror and pain on her face that reminded Han of the carbon freezing chamber on Bespin. Jaina immediately started sobbing. Luke himself was barely holding it together.

Han had never been so grateful that he was not Force-sensitive. Though even _he_ thought he sensed something suddenly…missing; he couldn't tell if he'd actually felt something, or whether he was just reacting to what he saw.

Tears running down her own face, Leia took Jaina into her arms and held her as the girl sobbed, and Han put his arms around them both. He felt Luke's arms encircle them all a minute later. Luke's tears were wet on Han's cheek.

 _I wish Wedge were here_ , Han thought. It was a strange thing to want. Han understood why they had to keep it from him, for Jaina's safety as well as Wedge's, and Wedge certainly could do without this kind of pain, but it seemed wrong for him to be left out of this. Wedge was family, and he was Luke's husband, and he had no idea what they were doing. And now he would think that his beloved niece, his Jainey, was dead, and that Han was some kind of rat bastard who would abandon Leia, and Luke would have to lie to him about all of it.

* * *

 ** _Back to the present…._**

Han woke to find an empty space beside him on the sleeping mat. He padded into the main room and found Leia sitting with an old datapad she'd brought with her. He recognized from the worn case what it was: Shmi Skywalker's journal.

She'd first read the journal a long time ago, as a way to try to understand Anakin Skywalker and see the good that had once existed in him (and that, according to Luke, he'd returned to in the end). Then, it had helped her, given her hope that there was good in her heritage, that it wasn't all torture and horror and darkness. Some time after the massacre, she'd started reading it again. Now, she used it to try to understand how a mother with every good intention could have a child who rejects everything he's been taught, who turns toward the darkness, who slaughters innocents, who joins a regime that enslaves and subjugates people.

She was absorbed in reading when Han approached. "Hey," he greeted softly.

She looked up and smiled faintly. "Hey. Couldn't sleep," she said, by way of explanation.

He sat down and put an arm around her. "Mmm, me neither. Too cold and lonely without a princess in my bed." She chuckled a bit and snuggled into him. He motioned toward the journal. "Looking for clues, or just reading it again?"

"A little of both," she admitted.

"Find anything?"

She sighed. "Not really." She looked at him, her face tired and discouraged. "I'm sorry. I think this trip has been kind of a bust." They'd spent the heat of the afternoon yesterday searching through Kenobi's belongings, and hadn't found much of anything at all, much less anything that might lead them to Luke. Luke must have cleaned things out years ago.

Han smiled and pulled her a little closer. "'S not a bust. I got some alone time with my wife. Although—" he looked around the bare hut—"not sure I would've picked this place for our second honeymoon."

He'd managed to tease the twinkle back into her eye. "Next time we can go to Bespin. Lando keeps offering me a vacation there," she said with a smile.

Han laughed. "Good to know he's still workin' on you, too." Lando Calrissian had been trying to get Han and Leia back together for years, attempting a variety of schemes. "Y'know," Han teased, "I hear the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City is real romantic."

She rolled her eyes, but put the journal aside and turned her attention to him. "Mmm, the threat of imminent death. _Sexy_ ," she quipped, raising her eyebrows. He bent down and kissed her, and she relaxed into his embrace. Even if they didn't have their children, they still had each other. They still had _this_.

The rest of their business on Tatooine could wait a little longer.

* * *

At Leia's request, they were making one last stop before leaving the planet to return to their separate lives. It had occurred to Leia while reading the journal that she'd never been to Shmi Skywalker's grave.

It was fairly unlikely that the First Order would bother coming here, but with their son's obsession with Vader, they could never be too careful. They wore their sandstorm gear, which had the dual benefit of being desert-appropriate and concealing their faces.

Honestly, Leia wasn't sure what she was trying to get out of this visit, other than simply paying her respects, but it felt like the right thing to do. She'd offered to go alone, but Han had wanted to come with her. He was holding her hand as they walked from the Lars homestead north to the gravesite.

The markers had been worn down over decades in the desert sands: Shmi's next to one for her husband, Cliegg, and the graves that the neighbors had made for Owen and Beru, all those years ago. Leia felt a pang of guilt, seeing them. She'd mostly stopped blaming herself for Alderaan, with Han's help, but even decades later it was hard not to feel guilty about Owen and Beru, who'd been killed because they'd had the misfortune of purchasing her droids. Han squeezed her hand, as if trying to silently reassure her.

Leia placed her stone on Shmi's marker, and while she and Han stood in reverent but awkward silence, Leia started to feel something in the Force. She stood still, closing her eyes to sense it more fully. It was similar to the feeling that had led her to search for Luke – the sense that something was changing. Something was waking up right now, getting ready to be born.

She sensed Han moving, and opened her eyes to find him bending down closer to the marker to examine something that had caught his attention. He swept a small bit of sand away and uncovered a crystal that had been mostly buried next to the marker.

"A kyber crystal," Leia breathed. Han looked at her in surprise. Kyber crystals were used to make lightsabers. One didn't just leave them lying around. This was obviously here for a reason.

Maybe Tatooine hadn't been a bust after all.

* * *

"Better get our making out in now, before we get to Mos Eisley," Han teased as he brought the speeder to a stop just outside the spaceport. "Honeymoon's almost over."

Leia laughed and kissed him, then stopped and pulled back, remembering something. She didn't want to start a fight, but she couldn't let the rumor she'd heard go without a mention. "Before you go, we need to talk. About rathtars," she said.

"What about 'em?" Han was trying to play innocent, though the brief flicker across his face at the mention of rathtars betrayed him.

"Rumor has it you've been smuggling them. Which I hope is untrue, since it will be a little difficult to make love to my husband if he's been _strangled and eaten by a kriffing tentacled monster_ ," she said pointedly.

Han felt a little defensive. He and Chewie had already done one job with rathtars, and were off to do another after this. "That's where the money is!" he protested. "Those pretty little ships you just got delivered ain't free, you know."

" _Lando_ got us those ships."

"And who exactly do you think got them for Lando?" he demanded, but his expression softened. He knew Leia was just worried. "Sweetheart. I'm fine. It's gonna be fine."

She glared at him. "It's _dangerous_."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Oh, you're a fine one to be talking about danger, little Ms. Leading a Shadow Military Operation to Take Down the First Order," he retorted, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She tugged his shirt, pulling him closer. "Hey. That's _General_ Leading a Shadow Military Operation to you."

He smirked. "My mistake." He kissed her. "General." He kissed her again, then cocked his head to the side, curious. "Does Antilles call you 'General' when he flirts with you now?" Leia and Wedge had flirted shamelessly with each other for decades, starting back in the days when they both held the rank of Commander. Luke had always been fond of pointing out that it was a good thing neither he nor Han was a particularly jealous person.

" _Everyone_ calls me General when they flirt with me now," Leia returned with a smile. She kissed Han back. "But you're distracting us from the point of this conversation."

"To talk about how devoted I am to you and your Resistance?" Han's wicked grin had taken over his face.

"To discuss how you'd better not keep doing reckless things like hauling rathtars, or I might have to come after you myself." She kissed him again and lightly stroked the stubble on his cheek. "Just be careful, okay?" She remembered something else. "And stop messing with those gangs. I can't strangle all of Kanjiklub for you."

He laughed and hugged her closer. "You probably could, but I'll try not to press my luck." He kissed her again, long and slow this time. "I love you."

She was looking into his eyes. "I know."


	3. Chapter 3 - A Fallen Tree

_Note: I doubt anyone reading this is going to be shocked by a little strong language, but just in case...one character says "fuck" a lot in this chapter._

 **Chapter 3 - A Fallen Tree**

Wedge was surprised to see Leia waiting for him at the landing bay when he returned from his recon mission. They always checked in with each other when one of them had been away from D'Qar for awhile, but normally Wedge found Leia in the command center, or at her quarters going over reports.

"General," he greeted as he approached, in his usual flirtatious tone. "What a pleasant surprise."

Leia smiled warmly. "General," she returned in kind. "Glad to have you back." She hugged him, and he relaxed. He'd worried momentarily that she was here to bring him bad news, but if she was smiling and flirting back, that was less likely.

"How did I get lucky enough to have you as my welcoming committee?" Wedge asked, as they headed out of the hangar together.

"Oh, you haven't heard? Apparently we've been having a torrid affair for years," Leia laughed. She found it amusing that people assumed she was unaware of the rumors circulating about her and Wedge, which had only intensified since both their husbands had been away.

"Well, it is _us_. I would expect nothing less," he said with a grin. Her smile broadened, and she looked at him with a knowing glint in her eye.

"I may have had another reason," Leia conceded. She tugged gently on his arm. "Come have dinner with me tonight. I have an update on our little project." They paused at the corridor connecting the officers' quarters and the command center.

"In your _quarters_? People will talk," Wedge warned teasingly, and Leia shrugged and rolled her eyes a bit, but she was still smiling.

Wedge noticed a group of pilots observing them and was briefly tempted to give them a show to stoke the rumors further, but he wasn't sure Leia would be amused. He settled for another flirtatious glance and a gentle touch to her shoulder. "Your place, at eighteen hundred?" She nodded. "Until then… _General_ ," he said with a wink.

As usual, Leia gave as good as she got. "Don't be late… _General_ ," she purred before striding away. Wedge glanced at the pilots, now scrambling to appear occupied as Leia passed by them, and laughed.

* * *

Later, Wedge was making his way to Leia's quarters for dinner, lost in thought.

It had always been the three of them: Luke, Leia, and Han. Even after Leia and Han fell in love, and Leia and Luke learned they were twins, the essential bond was among all three. If you were lucky, you might fall into orbit around them, around the deep love and fierce loyalty that defined them. If you were really lucky, maybe your orbit would be deep enough for you to feel like part of their constellation.

Wedge was really lucky. For many reasons. He'd been part of defeating two Death Stars and had survived countless Rebellion battles. He'd made a life flying, doing what he loved. He'd met the love of his life at the briefing for the Battle of Yavin, even if he didn't know it at the time. But the biggest reason Wedge was really lucky was that Luke Skywalker—beautiful rookie pilot, hero of Yavin, Jedi master, Rogue Squadron Commander, Tatooine farmboy—loved him back. And Han and Leia had challenged Luke to make good on trusting his feelings, to allow himself to love and be loved. They brought Wedge into their family, their constellation, and loved him as deeply as they all did each other.

Wedge still could hardly believe that it had all come apart.

* * *

 ** _Seven years ago…_**

"I don't understand," Wedge said. "What do you mean, Han left?" They were all still reeling from the events of the last three months. Unthinkable things, all of them. With Jaina's death a month ago possibly the most unthinkable of all. _Our sweet Jainey_ , Wedge thought, almost bringing himself to tears again.

Luke's face was sad, but resigned. He felt so much, Wedge knew, so much that sometimes it was like he was full and just couldn't feel anything more. Luke had looked full for about three weeks now.

"He left. He's gone," Luke said quietly.

Wedge's eyes narrowed. "But he's coming back." _Right?_

Luke just looked at him. It was like he didn't want to say it. And with that look, he didn't have to.

Wedge's eyes flashed fire. "Wait. He fucking _left_? _Now_?" This was unbelievable. This wasn't the Han Solo he knew. Han didn't leave. He got angry, sure, he took a little time for himself when things got too heated, but he didn't leave when things got difficult. Hell, in their Rebellion days he'd amassed a bounty on his head to rival Luke's because he wouldn't leave. And that was _before_ he and Leia had confessed their love.

 _Leia_ , Wedge thought, and he grew even angrier. "He fucking _left_ her? What the fuck? This is not what Han Fucking Solo does." He had started pacing around the room, a dangerous look on his face. "She's lost everything. They're trying to kill her. And now he fucking _runs_?" Wedge started to gather some things together and put on his flight jacket.

Luke stopped him. "Wedge, honey, what are you doing?"

"I'm gonna go find that fucking bastard and rip the fucking stripes off of him. He doesn't deserve to wear them," he raged. "And then I'm going to bring him the fuck back where he belongs."

Luke was still sad, but calm. Sometimes it drove Wedge mad, how calm he could be. "He has to choose his own path, Wedge. Nobody can choose it for him," Luke said, his sister's words from decades ago coming out of his mouth.

Wedge slumped down into a chair, anger dissipating into disbelief. "I know they've been fighting. I just—after everything. I mean, Vader. The carbonite. Jabba the godsdamned Hutt. That shit that went down in the Senate. They've been through hell before. They're stronger than this. This can't be how it—" Wedge couldn't say "ends."

Luke shook his head gravely. "I don't know," he said. "I just don't know."

They were quiet for a few moments, and then the silence grew uncomfortable. Luke clearly had something else he needed to say, and Wedge was pretty sure he could guess what it was.

He looked up at Luke. "You're leaving, too."

Luke closed his eyes, then looked at his husband lovingly, nodding. "I've learned of a few survivors. They still want to train. Leia's offered to help me get them to some place where they can be safe."

Wedge had to smile a little at that. Leave it to Leia to offer to help someone else when her world was falling apart. Although he was a little surprised that she wanted to have anything to do with the Jedi right now.

"Can I at least come with you?" No use ruining two marriages, was there? Though Luke and Wedge had weathered long separations before. Being apart from time to time, Wedge had accepted, just came with the territory of being in love with the man trying to rebuild the Jedi Order.

Luke smiled at him warmly. "Of course. But it's going to be dangerous, especially now. And I wanted to let you know about Han, in case you wanted to stay here."

Wedge realized what he was saying: they were all leaving Leia. Granted, she had a Resistance to run, and no doubt would continue to throw herself into her work, but without Jaina, and now without Han, she'd be all alone. He hesitated.

"I'm required to tell you that Leia says not to stay on her account," Luke said, smiling wryly. "You know how she is."

* * *

Wedge had intended to stay, but in the end, Leia had insisted he go with Luke, making it sound like Wedge would be granting _her_ a personal favor if he did so. "You know how he is," she'd said quietly. "He'll get all wrapped up in teaching and won't take care of himself. And he blames himself," she'd added, "for Ben." She'd pressed her hands around his. "He needs you, Wedge. Especially when he's being a Jedi. You remind him…that he's more than that."

For three years, Luke and Wedge traveled together, finding Force-sensitive beings, bringing them to one or another remote planet Luke had located, and staying on-planet for awhile while Luke began their training. They had four different colonies going, and added to them as Luke found new beings interested in training. Luke would often send Wedge to meet up with Leia or one of her emissaries to retrieve students she or Luke had located. It was like running covert missions for the Rebellion again.

Han still hadn't come back. Rumor had it that he and Chewie were smuggling again. Most of what Wedge heard came from the people Leia sent on her behalf, usually old friends from the Rebellion. Luke actually did see Han from time to time, though Wedge only heard about it afterward.

Over time, Wedge's anger at Han dulled into a deep sadness at what had been lost. He knew that Han and Leia were each in touch with Luke. But it seemed that the three of them were not going to come back together again.

Then Luke came back after a scouting trip for a new colony and looked more distraught than Wedge had seen him in years. "What's wrong?" Wedge asked, praying there hadn't been another massacre.

Luke took a breath. "Do you remember what I told you when you came with me? That if it ever got too dangerous, I might ask you to leave?" Wedge nodded, but it was fairly obvious where this conversation was going.

"I need to disappear," Luke said. "And I need you to go back to the Resistance, to help Leia."

A protest was on Wedge's lips, but he knew better than to argue with Luke about this. "How soon?"

"In the morning."

Wedge took his husband in his arms. "Then we have one more night."

* * *

 ** _Back to the present…._**

After a lovely dinner together in Leia's quarters, Leia and Wedge were enjoying some Corellian whiskey and a healthy dose of their usual banter. Leia was laughing about the latest rumor on her love life to hit the base: that her recent trips away were a cover for an affair with Lando.

"It's a wonder I have _time_ for all these affairs," Leia joked. "I must be exhausted."

"Eh, those pilots are probably just jealous that you're not having affairs with _them_ ," Wedge guessed. "Unless you are," he said, arching an eyebrow.

Leia scoffed, shaking her head. "Jealous? What are you even talking about?"

"Oh, don't play coy with me, General," he said with a wink. "I've seen the way Dameron looks at you."

Leia nearly choked on her drink. "Wedge! I am literally old enough to be his mother. I _knew_ his mother."

"So did I. But he's all grown up now," Wedge sang, smiling slyly. "And gorgeous."

Leia laughed, shaking her head. "You are _terrible_." She narrowed her eyes. "And last time I checked, happily married."

"Married. Not blind. And not dead," he corrected, pointing for emphasis. He tilted his head at her. "Why do you think I spend all this time flirting with you?"

"Pity? Bad habit?'

He rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand, kissing it, then looked her straight in the eye. "You know that's not true."

They smiled at each other for a long moment, then Wedge dropped her hand and let his gaze fall to the table. When he looked up, his face was more serious. "You know, Lei, no one would fault you if you did decide it was time to… move on," he said quietly.

Leia didn't say anything. She began studying the whiskey in her glass.

"It's been seven years. You've given him more than enough time," he said gently, clasping her hand again.

Leia smiled, a little sadly. "You're very sweet. But you don't need to worry about me. I'm fine." She squeezed his hand.

He looked at her dubiously. "I think it might be my job to worry about you."

"It's not."

He sat back, letting go of her hand and taking a drink. "Well, that's where we disagree," he sighed. "But if you won't do it for yourself, at least consider taking a lover for the good of the troops," he winked, easing back into his teasing stance. "Think of poor Dameron and his hopeless crush."

She snorted. "I think I have plenty to handle right now without adding a man to the mix," she said.

"Didn't say it had to be a man," he teased. "Think Pava has a little crush on you too." They both laughed again, then Wedge took another sip of his drink and changed his tone. "So…you have news?"

Leia sat up straighter. "I do," she confirmed. "Your intel about the Church of the Force was a huge help. I found Lor. He has the map they were working on."

A few weeks ago, Leia had returned from a mission with a clue to Luke's whereabouts: a kyber crystal she'd found at her grandmother's grave. She'd shown it to Wedge, who had confirmed that this was the type of kyber crystal the Church of the Force used to mark sites they considered sacred to the Jedi, such as the former Jedi temples. The Church had been in the process of mapping the old temples, but had had to go underground after the massacre. Luke had been hot on the trail of the first Jedi temple right before he'd left.

"An actual _map_?" Wedge was astonished. This was more than a lead – this time, they might finally have a way to bring Luke back.

Leia smiled and nodded. "Yes. We're going to find him."

Wedge blinked at Leia. "Wow," he said.

Her smile widened. "Yeah, I think 'wow' pretty much covers it."

Wedge shook his head and took another drink. "Okay, so when do we go get it?"

" _We_ don't," Leia answered. "But don't worry. I already sent the… _second-best_ pilot in the Resistance."

Wedge's face fell, and he stared at her. "You sent Dameron." She nodded. "Forgive me for asking, but why _him_?" His unspoken question, of course, was _why not me_?

She looked Wedge squarely in the eye. "Wedge," she said gently. "You and I are the two people who are closest to Luke. You're Luke's _husband_. If for some reason the First Order found you with the map, there's no telling what they'd do to you to try to draw him out of hiding." She paused for a minute, looking down at her glass. "You have the shields Luke helped you build, but you aren't Force-sensitive. You wouldn't have a defense."

"And Poe?"

"He won't be as much of a target. He doesn't have that personal tie to Luke that you and I do. Or to—Ben." She took a drink. "Hopefully he can get in and get out without much trouble. But he's aware of how dangerous this could be."

Wedge still looked disappointed, but he understood. He nodded silently, then managed a smile. "Yeah, well. Guess this is worthy of a toast."

Leia raised her glass. "To family?"

Wedge smiled. "To hope."

Their glasses clinked.

* * *

 _"I came across a fallen tree  
I felt the branches of it looking at me  
Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?"  
\- "Somewhere Only We Know," Keane_


	4. Chapter 4 - Hit Me Like a Ray of Sun

**Chapter 4 - Hit Me Like a Ray of Sun**

The message came through while they were in the Kiffu system, en route to delivering the rathtars. It had not been a good week; Han was just thankful that the _Eravana_ 's containment systems seemed to be functional again, at least for now. He looked at the comms screen as the encoded message scrolled across.

SWLY: Need a pickup  
Eravana: On a delivery. Rush?  
SWLY: Red

 _Blast_. Must be desperate. They didn't usually get called last-minute like this.

Eravana: Location?  
SWLY: Imp junkyard

 _Aw, shit_. Jakku was a hellhole. He'd had one of the worst days of his life in the kriffing Jakku system. He could go the rest of his days without being near that place.

 _Still_. Han sighed.

Eravana: Details?  
SWLY: Transmitting.  
Eravana: On the way  
SWLY: You know.  
Eravana: You too.

Now he had to tell Chewie they were taking a detour to Jakku to find a kriffing droid. Great. Chewie was gonna love this.

* * *

They were about an hour outside the Jakku system when Chewie yowled something from the cockpit. _That can't be what he just said_ , Han thought, and yelled back for him to repeat it.

He had heard Chewie right the first time. Han ran to the cockpit to find him looking over the readout from one of the scanners. Specifically, the scanner they'd had looking for the _Falcon_ for the last four years.

 _Well, maybe this little detour to the Jakku system won't be such a bad thing after all_. They got close enough to take over control and engage the tractor beam, then looked at each other as the _Millenium Falcon_ docked.

[It could be a trap,] Chewie warned. Han nodded. They'd have to play this one carefully. Though their huge freighter and the threat of the rathtars probably wouldn't hurt. They readied their weapons and went to board the _Falcon_.

The hatch slid open, and it was like they'd been transported back in time. "Chewie," Han said, "we're home." Chewie growled in assent.

There was still the matter of the pilot, no, _thief_ , who had taken possession of the ship. Whoever they were, they were unlikely to give up the _Falcon_ without a fight. If Han had to guess, he'd bet they were probably in the maintenance bay or in the smuggling compartments. Chewie sniffed the air. [Better find them soon. There's gas leaking from the propulsion tank.]

Chewie ran down one corridor, and Han took the other, stopping short at the maintenance bay. The cover was slightly ajar. Han lifted it off to reveal two young humans, both wearing ventilation masks. _Ah, letting the gases out was intentional_. Han figured it wouldn't be too hard to get these two to give up their compatriots.

He pointed his blaster at them menacingly. "Where are the others? Where's the pilot?"

The young woman raised her hands defensively. "I'm the pilot."

" _You_?" Han was finding that a little hard to believe. Chewie, who had just come up behind Han, growled his disbelief as well. The young woman responded that it was true, and that they were the only ones on board.

"You can understand that thing?" asked the young man, gaping at her.

"That _thing_ can understand you too, so watch it, " Han shot back. He was both impressed by her understanding of Shryiiwook and rather suspicious of how these two had ended up here. Although for some reason he was inclined to believe her when she said that there was no one else on their crew.

They hoisted the two up. Han did a double take when he got a look at her face without the mask, then chuckled and shook his head when he noticed their other companion, a BB unit droid with orange markings.

Two thoughts were competing in Han's brain:

 _Well, Sweetheart, it seems your wayward droid has found_ us _._

and

 _I think I'm seeing a ghost._

* * *

 ** _Four years ago…_**

The holo they had was fairly blurry, but they'd recognized the girl easily when she'd appeared in the marketplace at Niima Outpost. Of course, there wasn't exactly an abundance of scavengers there matching her age and description; most of the scavengers were older, sun-wizened and wrinkled.

Someone from Lor San Tekka's band of Jedi groupies had been by the marketplace a couple of months ago and had recognized something in her. Most of Lor's groupies weren't particularly Force-sensitive, but they'd learned to spot some of the signs, and this young woman's presence was notable. They'd gotten word to Luke, who had asked Han and Chewie to find her and see whether she would be open to learning more about the Force. If she was so obviously Force-sensitive that Lor's group had noticed it, it wouldn't be long before someone tipped off the First Order. And Snoke.

Han seemed to have a way with those Force-sensitive beings who weren't quite sure about the Jedi; something about his gruff but kind manner and his overall bearing made it clear that he wasn't about to force anything (so to speak) on anyone. You could come with him and Chewie, or not, and Han gave the impression that it didn't much matter to him either way, but maybe you'd like to meet this kid he knew who was strong in the Force and wound up helping to save the galaxy, and maybe you'd like to know more about that light in yourself, too. And if you did, they'd take you to meet Luke Skywalker, and make sure you got there safely. Chewie's presence was comforting to the non-humans, and Jaina's natural talent for connecting with beings of all kinds set them at ease once they were actually on the way to Luke. But most of their success was due to Han.

This young woman might be a little tougher to convince, they knew. From what Luke had learned from Lor's group, her family had left her at Niima Outpost almost a decade ago now. Han was actually rather angry about that; who dumps their six-year-old kid in the desert with an asshole like Unkar Plutt? Then again, he'd ended up on the streets of Coronet City with Garris Shrike as a kid, and that wasn't his mother's fault. Things happened, people died, families got caught in impossible situations. Sometimes it wasn't really about choice, but about survival. Han understood that better than most.

Everything was going pretty much according to plan. As usual, Jaina was hiding out on the _Falcon_ , monitoring communications and likely trying not to fall asleep from boredom. Han and Chewie had pretended to be on the search for parts and Imperial artifacts for one of their clients. The sun was setting, and most of the scavengers had just returned to polish up their finds before trading them for portions. The young woman looked just like her holo, slight but strong, and apparently had managed quite an impressive haul of engine parts today. Han was starting to approach her when they spotted the ship.

A First Order shuttle. _Kriff_.

* * *

He was lost in a blur of blaster fire and smoke and explosions and blood and….pain. Han wasn't sure how he'd ended up on the ground, but he'd tried to go in after the girl, and then the explosion – _kriff, we can't let the First Order get her, we have to go in after her…_. He needed to find Chewie, to tell him that, to rescue the girl if they could, but suddenly he realized that Chewie was carrying him, and running, and roaring into the communicator to Jaina, with the emergency code that meant "Start up the _Falcon_ and get ready to get the hell out of here, NOW." They'd only had to use it one other time.

Chewie ran up the ramp, and sure enough, Jaina had started up the ship, but Han was only dimly aware of it all, drifting in and out of consciousness. He knew that his leg hurt like hell, and that they'd failed, and that Chewie was yelling instructions to Jaina in the cockpit while he worked on Han in the medical bunk.

[Girlcub, take off!] Chewie roared, and they did.

Amid his pain and confusion, Han was glad he'd acquiesced when Jaina had begged him and Chewie to teach her to fly, even though he knew Leia would probably not be thrilled at the thought of her thirteen-year-old alone at the controls of the _Falcon_. Chewie was still working on him in the medical bunk, struggling with a tourniquet and roaring in frustration, and Han felt like he was drifting away even more, delirious. In his fog he heard Jaina yell something, and Chewie respond, and then somehow Jaina and Chewie had traded places, and the way the ship was banking and maneuvering told Han that they were trying to evade a firefight.

Jaina was putting pressure on his leg wound; he saw her eyes widen with alarm when she looked down at it, and he felt himself fading away again. He was so cold, he was shivering; he hardly recognized the face in front of him – was that Leia? "'M sorry Leia," he moaned; "Sorry, Luke, sorry Jaina, tell Chewie 'm sorry…" The brown eyes looking at him were wet with tears, and he kept ranting apologies in half-consciousness, falling away, the darkness opening up, following a pinpoint of light….

Then, slowly, he felt himself coming back through the darkness. He opened his eyes to find Jaina bending over him, her eyes closed, her expression serene, her hand still putting pressure on his leg wound. But the pain had mostly subsided, and when her eyes opened, she smiled tentatively at him.

"Hey, baby girl," he said, smiling back.

"Hey, Daddy," she replied. She squeezed his hand tightly.

* * *

 _I must have been pretty far gone_ , Han thought a little later. _Jaina hasn't called me "Daddy" in a long time._ He still wasn't sure what had happened. He was injured, but judging from the looks on Chewie's and Jaina's faces when he got up off the medbay cot, he had made some kind of miraculous recovery.

"Go get cleaned up, sweetheart," Han said. "I need to talk to Chewie." It was a decent excuse; Jaina still had a lot of Han's blood on her from earlier. But Jaina, being thirteen, not to mention whip-smart, gave Han a skeptical look that said _I know what you're doing_.

"Go," Han insisted.

"I can handle it. I'm not a little kid anymore," Jaina said, still giving him that look, her chin stuck out defiantly.

 _So damn much like your mother_ , Han thought. _Always trying to be so strong_. "I know," he said gently. "Just give us a minute, 'k?"

Jaina sulked off to the 'fresher, and Han turned to Chewie.

"The girl?" began Han. "Any chance she made it out?"

Chewie looked grim. [Don't think so. They blew that thing to the stars. I barely got _you_ out in time.]

Han ran a hand over his face. "Kriff," was all he said. They were both silent for a minute.

"Where are we?" asked Han.

[Hyperspace lanes,] answered Chewie. [I made a couple short jumps to throw them off the trail. We'll be at the Wallala system in about an hour.]

Jaina reappeared, still in a contrary mood. "Are you done with your super-secret talk?" she asked impatiently. Chewie laughed and ruffled her hair, then got up to go to the cockpit to check their progress.

She watched him go, then turned to Han. "Dad. We're going to be okay, right?" Despite her earlier bravado, she looked uneasy.

Han beckoned her over and wrapped her in a hug. "You feelin' something, Jai?" She nodded, and he patted her back. "I've got you, sweetheart. Trust me. It's gonna be all right," he assured her. But Han had a bad feeling about this, too.

* * *

 _Hit me like a ray of sun_  
 _Burning through my darkest night_  
 _You're the only one I want_  
 _Think I'm addicted to your light…_  
-"Halo," Beyoncé


	5. Chapter 5 - Where Beauty Lives

**Chapter 5 - Where Beauty Lives**

Han had played enough sabacc to know when someone was bluffing. And he would recognize stormtrooper boots anywhere, having donned them himself at one point in his life. If this guy was with the Resistance, Han would eat his non-existent hat.

As for the young woman— well, if it had been four years ago, he would've taken her to Luke straight away. Now it seemed the best plan would be to figure out a way to get this stormtrooper out of their hair and get her and the droid to Leia. But he wasn't sure of the dynamic between the two humans.

"Chewie, throw 'em in a pod, we'll drop them at the nearest inhabited planet," he growled to his co-pilot. Han was already halfway down the corridor, checking out his beloved ship and mentally calculating what he'd need to do to repair the neglect from her recent owners. Not to mention get rid of that idiotic compressor they'd installed.

Chewie didn't move to do anything right away; he seemed to understand that Han was testing the waters, trying to get a reaction that would give some clues as to what was up with these two.

The young woman spoke up first. "Wait! No—we need your help!"

"My help?" Han was continuing to test, waiting to see how hard they'd try to get it. He kept his attention on the ship, as if he were only half-listening to this conversation.

"This droid has to get to the Resistance base as soon as possible!" she pleaded. _Okay, so they know the Resistance wants this droid. But the last thing Leia needs is for me to bring the First Order right to her front door_. He waited a little longer, feigning disinterest.

"He's carrying a map to Luke Skywalker," the man called after Han.

 _A map to Luke. And Jaina_. Han stopped in his tracks. _Nice work, Sweetheart._ He knew that crystal on Tatooine had been a pretty decent lead, but to have found an actual map….

And now Han was pretty convinced that, whatever game this man was playing, it wasn't to serve the First Order.

The young man kept talking. "You _are_ the Han Solo who fought with the Rebellion. You knew him." He was just stating facts, but it sounded like he was pleading for help, too.

At first glance, the man had reminded Han of himself in his younger days, before Luke and Leia. Full of bravado, desperate to run. Now, the way he was talking, he reminded Han of Luke. And not because he had just said Luke's name.

 _The droid belongs to her. She's the one in the message. We've got to help her!_

"Yeah, I knew him," Han sighed. "I knew Luke." It was very strange to talk about knowing Luke in the past tense.

Han was about to say more, but a heavy metallic _ka-chunk_ interrupted their conversation. _Aw, hell. It better not be those kriffing rathtars again_.

* * *

Han had another set of competing thoughts in his mind as the _Falcon_ leapt into hyperspace directly from the docking bay, surging through the body of an attacking rathtar and leaving behind what was left of Kanjiklub and the Guavian Death Gang. The first thought was, _This is not how this day was supposed to go._ The second: _Leia is going to give me so much shit about this_.

The young woman—damn, he hadn't even asked her name yet, had he?—was beside him in the co-pilot seat, since Chewie had been injured in the fight in the docking bay, and apparently the same moof-milker who installed that damned compressor had also installed a fuel pump.

Han tried not to stare at her; she reminded him so much of Jaina that it almost hurt. She obviously loved the _Falcon_ and seemed to know the ship almost as well as he and Chewie did. (And in the case of the recent modifications, _better_ than he and Chewie did.) She had that same joy in her eyes when she flew that Jaina had. She'd had almost an instant rapport with Chewie; Jaina had become so close to Chewie when they'd lived on the _Falcon_ together that they'd finish each other's sentences sometimes. (In Shryiiwook, of course.)

And like Jaina, she had the Force. Han couldn't always tell, but he'd gotten quite a sense about it after being basically surrounded by Force-sensitives in his own family. And in this young woman, it was obvious. It was clear why Luke had sent him and Chewie to find her before.

Han had started doing a strange sort of calculation in his head. The Force gave and the Force took away, but somehow he was starting to feel slightly ahead. Sure, he'd lost the _Eravana_ and the rathtars, at least for now, and he had two gangs and probably the First Order on his tail, but he had the _Falcon_ back, a map to Luke and Jaina, and the life of a young woman he thought he'd gotten killed. And soon, maybe he'd be able to go home to Leia for good.

Han tore himself away from these thoughts to program the navicomputer. He already knew where they needed to go, even if it meant enduring an awkward conversation or two.

Course was set for Takodana, cockpit was secured. It was time to check on Chewie and try to get a look at that map.

* * *

"General?" Leia looked up from the report she was reading.

"You wanted an update when Commander Dameron landed. He's in Medical," said Lieutenant Connix.

Leia nodded. "Any indication of his condition?"

"He flew here himself, so he must be doing fairly well. Ma'am," she added hastily.

Leia smiled. "Thank you." She was relieved, but she knew that even the fact of him flying himself back wasn't necessarily good evidence of his condition. _I suspect that if Poe were blind in one eye, he'd still try to fly back here by himself_ , she thought, chuckling to herself. She left to head to Medical.

* * *

"How did he seem when you saw him?" Leia asked, taking a sip of her whiskey.

Wedge gave her a funny look. One of Leia's strengths had always been her trust in her own instincts. It wasn't like her to ask a question like that, especially since she'd been to see Poe herself just this afternoon, before Wedge had seen him.

"Fine…I guess. He seemed like Poe," he shrugged. He suspected that answer wasn't terribly helpful. "I mean, I assume the First Order did some, ah, _enhanced interrogation_ , but that's…not really unheard of. Unfortunately," he noted, taking a drink himself.

"They did," Leia confirmed, still looking uncommonly troubled.

Wedge looked at her. "Leia. He knew what he was getting into when he accepted the mission. I mean, that's why we're trained in resisting torture, right?" Leia had commanded troops for a long time; she cared about her people, obviously, but she normally didn't get this upset when a mission went wrong.

Wedge studied her face for a minute. "What aren't you telling me?"

Leia looked down at her glass, then took another drink before answering. "It wasn't just regular torture."

He gave her a questioning look.

"His mind was probed…violently, and he was tortured," she continued, "using the Force."

Wedge's eyes widened. There were only a few beings around these days with that kind of dark power, including—"Was it...?"

"Ben. Or Kylo Ren. That's what he calls himself now." Leia seemed to be staring at something out in space as she spoke.

 _Well, fuck_. Wedge was feeling a little out of his depth. He wasn't a parent, and he wasn't a Force user, but he did know that he didn't want Leia blaming herself for what Ben—or whatever the hell his stupid new Sith name was—had done.

He also wondered whether this might be a little triggering for Leia. She'd been fairly open about the fact that she had been tortured with the Force by Darth Vader on the first Death Star. The idea that her own son could have inflicted the same thing on someone else…well, that was simply horrifying. And like spitting in Leia's face.

Wedge took her hand and squeezed it to get her attention. "Lei," he said softly, "it's not your fault."

She smiled bitterly at him. "No, _I_ just sent Poe on the mission so he could experience having his mind raped by _my_ kriffing _son_." She looked into her glass, as if there were answers floating in it. "He killed Lor and ordered the troops to burn down the entire godsdamned village, did Poe tell you that?" Wedge shook his head.

"General," he said, though he wasn't flirting with her this time. She looked up at him, and he continued. "You made a strategic decision to send him on this mission. He was fully briefed on the risks."

"I sent him on a personal mission, Wedge," Leia argued. "If anyone was going to go, it should've been me."

" _Leia_ ," Wedge said, a little more forcefully. "You sensed something changing in the Force. The Resistance could sure as hell use a Jedi or six right about now. It _wasn't_ just a personal mission." After a moment, she nodded, and they both sat there quietly.

Then Wedge remembered something he hoped would help. "You remember – what Han used to say," he reminded her. "Let them own it."

Leia smiled slightly at the mention of Han. _Let the bad guys own it_ , Han used to tell her, when she would be tempted to give herself even partial blame for Alderaan. She'd protest that if only she'd done any number of things instead of what she _had_ done, maybe Alderaan would still be there, and Han would point out that this kind of thinking was exactly what the Empire had wanted. The responsibility, the blame, he'd say, belonged squarely on the beings who had made the decision to destroy a planet and had carried it out, and to no one else.

 _Let the bad guys own it_. The last time they'd used that phrase, it was Leia who had said it to Han.

* * *

 ** _Four years ago…._**

Leia found Han in the bunkroom of the stolen freighter, his head in his hands. She sat down beside him and laid her hand on his back. "Hey," she greeted.

Han looked up at her. He seemed like he'd aged about 10 years since she'd last seen him, and that had been three months ago. "Hey," he said weakly. "You made it."

"Yeah." They were both silent for a minute.

"So you smuggled our daughter onto a stolen ship in an equipment bag," Leia summarized. Han had been worried about how she would take it, but she was smiling.

Han smiled ruefully. "Yeah, pretty much. It worked," he pointed out.

Leia's smile broadened. "It did." She put a hand on his knee. "You did well," she said, comforting him. "She's safe."

Han ran a hand across his face. "She almost wasn't." The reason for their bad feeling had become clear soon after they'd landed on Wallala. Someone had ratted them out. When they'd seen the First Order ship arrive, they'd had to think quickly, abandon the _Falcon_ , and hotwire another ship to get out of the system. The giant equipment bag had been the easiest way to sneak Jaina across the hangar without anyone noticing.

Leia squeezed his shoulder and took a closer look at him. "How's your leg?" she asked.

Han shrugged a bit. "Still hurts, but I'm all right."

Leia looked at him skeptically. "You sure? Chewie told me you almost bled out on the way out of Jakku."

Han shook his head and sighed. "I—I don't really know what happened. I was pretty out of it." He squinted, as if that might help him remember. "Chewie was workin' on me at first, then he needed to fly, so Jaina was taking care of me. _Somethin'_ happened, but I don't know what," he explained. He still looked pretty shaken. "Think I scared the hell out of her."

Leia squeezed him again. "She'll be okay. I'm just glad _you're_ all right."

But Han was still shaking his head ruefully. "I should've been the one taking care of _her_. Not the other way around."

Leia put an arm around Han and leaned into his chest. He was staring out into space, but he put his arm around her as well. They sat together for a few minutes, their breathing the only sound in the room.

When Han spoke, there was a slight catch in his voice. "Y'know, I wanted it to be different for them."

Leia leaned into Han further. "I know."

"She shouldn't have to grow up so damned fast. She should get to be a kid, for Force's sake."

Leia chuckled a bit. "Han. Jaina's been trying to act like a grownup since she was seven years old." She held him a little tighter. "You kept her safe for three years. And she got to learn how to fly the _Falcon_ …"

Han smiled a little bit. "She told you about that, 'eh?"

" _Chewie_ told me about that." She raised her eyebrow at him.

"You mad?"

"No, no. I mean, it's not normally what I'd have her learning, but…this isn't exactly a normal situation." Leia paused. She wanted to make sure he knew—"Han?"

"Mmm?" Her head was leaning on his shoulder, and he had tilted his head so that it rested on top of hers.

"You're a good father," she said quietly. She wasn't sure she'd said that often enough.

Han didn't say anything right away, then made a little strangled sound in his throat. "Not to him," he said finally. He breathed in deeply, then sighed.

"You heard about the girl, on Jakku? We got her blown up," he confessed.

She raised her head and searched for his face. "Han. _You_ didn't get anyone blown up." She looked at him lovingly. "You know what you always say to me. Let the bad guys own it." He closed his eyes briefly, then nodded.

Just then, Luke came in. "Hey," he said, greeting Leia and hugging her tightly.

The three of them looked at each other for a few moments. Finally, Han broke the silence. "So. We really doing this?"

Luke looked at him sympathetically. "Not if you don't want to. It's up to you two. She's your daughter."

Han and Leia exchanged a look. They'd already gone to extraordinary lengths to protect Jaina, but it was hard to stomach sending her away. Even with Luke.

"She knows," Han blurted out. They both stared at him. "Jaina knows she can't stay with me and Chewie anymore," he explained. " _She_ told _me_ she was going to go away, and that it would be okay."

 _No wonder he felt so guilty about her taking care of him_. Leia put an arm around Han and stepped closer to him. "I wish we didn't have to do this either," she admitted. "But I think we do."

Han nodded. "We do." Luke stood by as they held each other again for a few moments.

Then Han turned to Luke. "So—you get to spend some quality time teaching a teenager to use the Force. Have fun with _that_ ," he cracked.

Luke grinned. "Well, even with just a little training, she's already pretty strong," he noted. "I mean, _you're_ still here."

" _She_ did that?"

Luke smiled knowingly. "I'm sure of it."

Leia smiled, her arm still around Han's waist. "That's Jaina. Full of surprises. Guess you're going to see that for yourself soon enough."

Luke laughed softly. "Guess so." They looked at each other, then all three pulled together in a last hug before it was time to say goodbye.

* * *

 _I know where beauty lives_  
 _I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives_  
 _The light that you could never see_  
 _It shines inside, you can't take that from me..._  
-"Live to Tell," Madonna


	6. Chapter 6 - Hear My Heart Burst Again

**Chapter 6 - Hear My Heart Burst Again**

Maz was laughing at him. "A map? To Skywalker himself? You're right back in the mess," she said.

 _Never really left it_ , _Maz_ , Han thought. Across the table, Rey was fully immersed in the piece of fruit she was devouring, though she occasionally stopped to look around furtively, making sure no one was about to swipe it from her. Next to Han, Finn was half listening to the conversation, half obviously scanning the room as if Snoke himself were due to burst in at any moment. _We gotta work on your stealth skills, kid_.

If Leia were here right now, she would be laughing at Han, too. _How did I become the damn Jedi whisperer?_ Two Force-sensitive kids in one random trip. He hadn't realized it about Finn right away; Finn's energy was a bit more subtle, unlike Rey's. If you knew what to look for, Rey practically knocked you over with her light. But when they'd all looked at the map together on the way to Takodana, Han finally had seen it in both of them.

 _That kriffing map_. It wasn't going to be the solution Han was hoping they'd found; he guessed that the Church of the Force had been interrupted before they'd had a chance to finish, or was relying on some data from another source to fill in the rest. Hopefully Leia would still be able to make something out of it.

But to get it to her without endangering the Resistance, Han still had to play his part. "Maz, I need you to get this droid to Leia," he said.

He wasn't entirely surprised when she refused. Maz had an uncomfortable ability to see into people, and she could likely tell how much Han wanted to go home. Lando wasn't the only one who had been trying for years to get him and Leia back together.

But Han needed to at least maintain the semblance of their cover story for the time being. "Leia doesn't want to see me," he claimed.

Finn had turned back to their conversation. "Please, we came here for your help." He was starting to sound like Luke again.

Then Rey, her mouth still full of fruit, asked Maz about what fight she had referred to earlier. At Maz's words about the need to fight against the First Order, it was like a spring had been released in Finn. He'd been launched into a kind of panic, and it was clear that he'd experienced enough of the First Order's tactics himself to be terrified for everyone at the table. Finn reminded Han of his much younger self again, the one whose primary setting was _run_.

 _Attacking that battle station is not my idea of courage. It's more like, suicide._

And just like that, Finn had taken off to seek passage to the Outer Rim with some smugglers Maz had recommended. It was probably just as well; Han knew from experience that you couldn't convince someone to quit running until they were good and ready. And he frankly couldn't blame anyone who just wanted to get as far away from the First Order as possible. He felt bad for Rey, though, who was clearly upset by Finn leaving.

"Who's the girl?" asked Maz, as Rey ran after Finn.

 _Good question_. Han had been subtly observing her, and while there were still a lot of things that reminded him of Jaina, Rey was clearly different. It was fascinating that someone who had spent most of her life scraping by as a scavenger on a desert planet, alone, could be so…earnest. Hopeful. She wasn't blindly optimistic, for sure; she couldn't have afforded to be naïve on Jakku. And she clearly had done her share of fighting. But the way she looked at Takodana as they touched down, well, _hell_ , it was enough to make even a jaded old smuggler appreciate it again.

His job offer when they'd landed—or, more precisely, his _hypothetical_ job offer—had been inspired in part by seeing that look of wonder. Sure, she had the skills and could handle herself well, but he also hoped he could give her a reason not to return to Jakku. Han had lived that kind of hand-to-mouth life as a kid, and it was liable to chase away that spirit, that hope in her if she did it much longer. Rey deserved better. And now that taking her to the Jedi colonies wasn't an option, maybe they could look out for her on the _Falcon_ until Luke and Jaina came back. Nobody could replace Jaina—and Han wasn't looking to—but he was definitely feeling more than a little fatherly towards Rey.

He told Maz what he knew, and they talked for a while longer. Then Han realized that not only did he not know where Rey was, BB-8 had disappeared as well. At the very least, he needed to get Leia that droid.

* * *

He'd just met up with Chewie again when they heard the roaring sound, like a battalion of rockets had buzzed Takodana's atmosphere. They ran outside to see paths of fire shooting across the sky, headed toward another system. _Kriff, what kind of new Death Star horror is_ this _?_

Finn ran up to them, panting heavily. "It's the Republic."

Han froze _. Sweetheart, I hope to the nine hells you weren't back trying to convince the Senate again._ He wished he had that same ability to feel Leia's presence as she did his.

Wherever she was, even if she was physically all right, there was no way she would be _okay_ after this. This was like Alderaan times five, or ten, or how ever many planets actually were hit by that thing.

"It's the First Order, they've done it," Finn continued, shaking with fear and anger and disbelief. He turned to them. "Where's Rey?"

Maz had come up behind them. "She ran," she answered. "Headed straight out into the woods."

Han looked at Maz. "What the hell happened?"

"She had a Force vision," Maz said, beckoning for them to follow her downstairs.

 _Kriffing hell. A Force vision. No wonder she'd run away_. Han knew that particularly for young Jedi or those just beginning their training, Force visions had a tendency to come at the most inconvenient times. In the middle of the night, on a family outing, while your mother was presenting to the Senate, while you were alone on the _Falcon_ waiting for your father and your uncle…. And from what Han could tell, the visions were not only rudely timed, but also scary as hell. The Force evidently was not interested in showing kids a glimpse of future birthday parties, or their parents' wedding, or them winning an award at school. No, the Force seemed to think that kids needed to see visions of a black-masked Sith lord torturing their parents, or a planet being blown up over and over again, or the screams of small children whom you could never reach in time to help.

The Force was a real bitch sometimes.

They reached the basement, and Maz removed something from a chest and handed it to Finn.

Han was stunned. Not only was that a lightsaber, it was _Luke's_ lightsaber, the one he'd lost on Bespin when Vader had cut his hand off. Han himself had used this lightsaber, once; he'd cut open a tauntaun with it to keep Luke warm on Hoth. Then Han remembered what Luke had told him: this was _Anakin Skywalker's_ lightsaber. Of course, that was back when Luke thought Anakin Skywalker was a noble Jedi who'd been _killed_ by Darth Vader, in more than a manner of speaking.

"Where'd you get that?" Han demanded.

Even in a hurry, Maz was cagey. "A good question, for another time." She put it into Finn's hands. "Take it! Find your friend!"

Upstairs, the ground rumbled. They were being attacked.

* * *

The kid was a hell of a good fighter, Han would give him that, if he'd had any time to dole out compliments in between dodging blaster fire and trying out Chewie's crossbow. It had taken Finn a minute to get the hang of a lightsaber, but he'd dispatched several troopers easily once he got going.

 _Oh, except that one_. Han fired the crossbow and took out the trooper just in time. "You okay, Big Deal?"

No sooner had they helped him up, then—

"Don't move!" _Aw, damn_. "We have targets in custody," the trooper said into his comm. _Damn, damn, damn_. Han hoped Rey and BB-8 were far away by now. Rey was pretty resourceful; she'd stolen the _Falcon_ once, so maybe she could steal it again. Maz would give her a hand if she was able.

Just as they were being led across the ruins of Maz's castle, Han heard the sound of approaching ships. X-wings. He sighed with relief. _Sweetheart, your people have excellent timing_. "It's the Resistance," he said.

That certainly swung things back in their favor. Before long, the remaining stormtroopers were withdrawing, piling back into their transports.

Then Han stopped. Among the departing troopers, a masked, black-hooded figure was striding toward the First Order command shuttle. Rey was limp in his arms. _Ben. No. No. Gods, no_.

Han stood motionless as Finn ran after the departing shuttle, screaming Rey's name. _I couldn't stop it. Again._

* * *

 ** _Seven years ago…._**

The night it happened, Han had been at home with Jaina while Leia attended an evening meeting with some of her former Senate colleagues. He'd been aimlessly flipping through channels on the holo when Jaina had woken up screaming. "Ben's lost…I can't find Ben, where's Ben?" she'd sobbed, over and over again. Han had finally managed to calm her down and get her back to sleep shortly before Leia got home.

Leia had felt it in the Force, and had come in the door wearing an expression best described as _haunted_.

When she'd told Han that the Jedi Academy had been destroyed, Han's first terrified thought was that Ben had been killed. "No," she'd said, sinking into a chair, her voice dull. "I think Ben did it."

She and Luke had tried to argue that the two of them should go alone to see the remains of the Academy. "Oh, _hell_ , no," said Wedge, and Han agreed with him. Besides, if his son _was_ responsible, Han reasoned, he should at least be there to bear witness to what Ben had done.

They left Jaina with Chewie, and the four of them flew out together. It was late in the day when they landed, and they quietly agreed to go directly to the main campus.

Luke and Leia had gone up ahead, moving as if something was pulling them both forward. Han and Wedge were following them closely. The air felt cold and dangerous, and the wind was swirling around them. Han kept a hand on his blaster, although he left it in its holster. Wedge seemed to be following a similar instinct.

 _Why is it so damned windy?_ The wind whipped Han's hair around his head, hurled bits of dust against their skin. Up ahead, he could see strands of hair coming loose from Leia's braids and whirling around her in a sort of halo.

They continued on down a hill to where the students' living quarters had stood, a series of small houses. Most of them had been burned to the ground, the smoking embers around their foundations the only evidence that they had existed at all. One wall remained of the commons, where the students had taken their meals. There was a smoking heap of clothing in front of it.

"Fuck," Wedge said as they approached. The wind had died down, and his curse was loud against the quiet breeze.

The smoking heap was a pile of bodies. Some kind of graffiti was scrawled on the wall behind them in a reddish-brown paint.

 _No, it's not paint_ , Han realized with horror. _It's blood_. There were burnt slashes marked against several sections of the wall as well, as if someone had tried to hack into it with a lightsaber.

Two of the phrases on the wall were in Basic: "You underestimate my power," and "Now your failure is complete." The next line Han recognized as an Alderaani curse. And at the bottom, a curse in Corellian, _Min min vil ut valle Nharquis. "_ I will eat your ashes."

Luke and Leia sank down together into the grass, holding each other. There was a sort of keening sound coming from one or both of them, Han couldn't tell. He wanted to look away from their anguished faces, but he was frozen in place.

The Skywalker twins had defeated the darkness more than twenty years ago. They'd suffered, they'd given up their families and their innocence to the fight, and they'd won. Vader was long dead, Anakin long redeemed, the Empire as it had been was gone, but the darkness would not stop, would not be denied. And this time it had come for Luke's dreams, for Leia's child. _For_ our _child_ , Han thought. _And I couldn't stop it._

Han felt a hand grip his arm and turned to see Wedge, white as a sheet and holding on to him tightly. He realized that they were both clinging to each other. They held on and watched in silence as their beloved twins collapsed in horror and grief.

Han had never felt more helpless in his life.

* * *

 ** _Back to the present…._**

Preoccupied by Rey's kidnapping, Finn barely noticed the Resistance transport pass overhead and prepare to land. He did notice both Solo and Chewie move back to the east side of what used to be Maz's castle and pause there, as if they were anticipating something. Finn drew closer, curious as to what would happen next.

The transport landed, and several ground soldiers exited. As they passed by, Finn heard one make a low whistle and another whisper to his comrade, "Holy shit, is that Solo?"

"It is, did you see the Wookiee?" his comrade whispered back.

"What do you think the General is going to _do_ to him?" wondered another soldier who'd overhead. Finn was curious to hear more, but the troops had gone to secure the area.

Who was the General, and what had Solo done to get himself in such hot water with him? Or her?

 _Her_. A woman strode out of the transport, short in stature, but with a bearing and presence that made Finn want to stand up straighter, somehow. She saw Solo and smiled, just a bit.

For a moment, they just looked at each other. Then a gold-plated protocol droid exited the transport and walked up, stopping right in front of Solo's face.

"Goodness! Han Solo! It is I, C-3PO! You probably don't recognize me because of the red arm." The look on Han's face told Finn that he did recognize the droid, but obviously didn't _want_ to.

The droid looked back toward the woman. "Look who it is! Did you see who?" He exclaimed excitedly. She raised her eyebrow to indicate that yes, she certainly did recognize Solo, and perhaps could you get the hell out of her way now? "Oh. Excuse me, Prin—uh, General."

 _Princess_? Finn finally put it together. Another war hero from the Rebellion. Princess Leia Organa. Senator Organa. General _Organa_. Solo's _wife_. _That droid sure knows how to ruin a moment_.

 _But why would Solo tell Maz that his own wife didn't want to see him?_

When Chewie hugged the General and headed to the ship, Finn took that as his cue to leave, too. As he was going, he heard Solo saying, with grave seriousness, "I saw him, Leia. I saw our son. He was here."

 _Your son?_ Finn had a really bad feeling about this.

* * *

 _This is the end  
Hold your breath and count to ten  
See the earth move and then  
Feel my heart burst again..._

-"Skyfall," Adele


	7. Chapter 7 - We Will Still Belong

**Chapter 7 - We Will Still Belong**

Jaina sat up in bed, trying to catch her breath. The rain was still pattering on the roof outside. A flash of lightning illuminated the room, making her jump; she'd half expected to see the obscene red glow of the lightsaber from her dream.

 _Correction_ , she thought. _It wasn't a dream. It was a Force vision_.

She'd seen everything—the horrid glint in her brother's eye; her mother, systems away, doubled over in pain; Chewbacca's roar of despair; the horrified screams from the two young Force-sensitives watching from above. And the worst part: her father, looking upon his murderer with love, touching his cheek, then tumbling into the abyss below.

Jaina made a decision. She didn't care what Uncle Luke had to say about it. She had to try—wait, not try, never try. She had to _do_ , to _act_. She quickly dressed and threw her things into a bag.

Luke opened his door before she could knock, as if he'd been expecting her. He was already packed. "I saw it," he said. He gave her a quick hug, then looked her straight in the eye before they headed to their ship. "We're not going to let him go," he promised.

* * *

"Solo's _here_?" Min Sakul looked incredulous. "I was beginning to think he didn't actually exist anymore."

Pamich rolled her eyes at Min's exaggeration. "Heard it from the droid himself," she confirmed. There was general agreement among the Resistance ground staff that while Threepio was annoying as hell if you got him going, he could be quite useful for gossip purposes.

Lema looked up from her comms screen. "Good thing Antilles is still out on a mission," she clucked. "Can you imagine the two of them both on base?"

"I don't know, I think I'd pay to see a good Corellian showdown," Pamich said, with a bit of a mischievous smile.

"Watch them battle it out for the heart of General Organa? Yeah, okay," agreed Min. "Throw Dameron in there to make it really interesting."

Pamich was dubious. "Oh, come on. You know Poe hasn't done anything about that crush. And it's not like he's exactly hurting for potential suitors himself," she pointed out.

"Neither is Antilles. I mean, I personally would not kick him out of the bunk for eating crackers," Min said, getting a somewhat dreamy look on her face.

"You think the General will finally take pity on Poe?" Lema asked. "That poor, beautiful boy…."

Pamich was laughing at this line of conversation. "We better hope to hell the General doesn't hear any of this."

Lema looked around furtively to make sure General Organa wasn't in earshot, and lowered her voice. "Antilles is supposed to come back tomorrow night. If Solo stays long enough, maybe you'll get that Corellian showdown after all."

* * *

"You're welcome to take a look, see if there's any of your other things you want," Leia was saying, a little louder than strictly necessary, as she and Han walked toward her quarters.

"Come on in," she continued, sounding impatient and mildly put out. She ushered him in and shut the door behind them.

As soon as the door closed, they came together, Han pressing her up against the wall as they kissed. After a few minutes, they broke apart, and Han took a step back, giving Leia a slightly exasperated look.

 _"When did that ever help?"_ he quoted. "What in the nine hells was _that_? I think I may have helped. A few times." If he was joking about being offended, he was only half-joking.

Leia shook her head, running her hand over her face. "Sorry. I don't know what happened. I used to be better at fighting with you." Han gave a little laugh in response.

Contrary to popular opinion, Han and Leia did not actually fight very much. Mild bickering? Occasionally. Spirited discussions? Certainly. A little verbal banter? More than a little. But not actual fights.

People who thought they fought a lot tended to fall into one of two camps: people who knew them on Hoth and assumed their fighting there (which _was_ genuine fighting, even if it had come from a place of romantic tension) continued to be typical of their interactions; and people who characterized anything involving a discussion or a raised voice as a "fight." The latter group of people also tended to think of Leia as an unusually angry person, so neither Han nor Leia gave them a lot of credence in their thoughts.

Han continued giving her grief over their conversation in the briefing room. " _And don't say the Death Star_? First of all, that was _two_ Death Stars, thank you very much. And second—Sweetheart, that was pretty hard up," he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Just so we're clear—are we having a _real_ argument about our fake argument now?" she asked.

He grinned and relaxed his stance a bit. "Nah. I'm just sayin'— you used to be a lot better at this pretending thing."

She shrugged. "I don't know. Guess I'm just not very good at pretending with _you_ ," she reasoned, drawing closer to him and putting her hands at his waist. "I usually don't have to pretend with you."

He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "I know. I'm not great at it either."

Then he remembered something he'd said that he already regretted. "Leia—I'm sorry. That Vader thing. I didn't mean that."

They had been talking about Ben out in the open, which wasn't a normal thing for them (and why that had slipped out), but that was no excuse as far as Han was concerned. Saying that Ben had too much Vader in him, frankly, was like saying that Leia had too much Vader in _her_ , and that somehow their son's homicidal rampages and fascist allegiances were her fault.

Leia was quiet. "There might be some truth to that," she said.

"No, Leia. No," he said firmly. "It's not true." He was cursing himself a little. "That was like something the damn holos would say."

Following the massacre, the holos had had a near-obsessive need to come up with theories explaining why Ben had done it— theories that tended to blame Leia, or Han, or Luke, or all three. (And curiously, rarely Ben himself.) But most often the blame was put on Leia. If only she'd provided a better home life, hadn't spent so much time on her diplomatic and political career. She'd been away too much, and Ben had been neglected. Ben had gone ballistic because she'd kept her parentage from him and he'd learned about it from the holos (which was patently untrue; as Han said, "We had the Vader talk before we had the sex talk"). Ben had felt unsafe because she and Han had a tempestuous relationship and a shaky marriage. They hadn't understood him, had abused him, had rejected him. They shouldn't have let him be trained as a Jedi in the first place, because of the Vader thing. They should've sent him for training earlier, because of the Vader thing. It seemed that they were doomed to fail him.

"Still," Leia began. She looked up at Han. "I've been struggling," she admitted. "I've been so focused on getting Ben back, I haven't really figured out…what happens if we actually manage to do it."

Han nodded. "Yeah. Not really a good model for this, is there?"

Leia thought for a moment, then spoke tentatively. "When Bria…came back. She made some amends?"

Bria Tharen was the woman Han had loved years before he'd met Leia. At one point, Bria had been addicted to glitterstim, and Han had been there for her when she'd gotten clean. Addiction seemed the closest possible metaphor for what had happened to Ben, for why he seemed to have become such a different person, so Leia had been thinking of Bria a lot over the last several years.

"She did," Han said slowly. "But Bria didn't murder a bunch of students and then throw in with the fascists, either."

"Or torture people," Leia added, shuddering a bit.

"Or that," Han agreed. The Bria comparison broke down a bit at this point. "All right, tell me this. If Anakin Skywalker had lived for longer than like 20 minutes or whatever after he turned back, what would you have wanted for him?"

Leia snorted. "At the time? To kill him, and then revive him and kill him again. Maybe several times."

Han gave her a look. _Very funny, Princess_. He wasn't normally the serious one in these conversations.

"Okay," she conceded. "He'd have to stand for his crimes. Just like the rest of the Imperials did. If he was really back in the light, he would have accepted whatever punishment he got."

"Guess that's our answer, then," Han mused.

"I know it'll never really be the same," Leia said quietly. "But I still want Ben back."

He wrapped his arms around her again and held her close. "I know. I do, too." He remembered something, and gave her a questioning look. "You weren't serious about me going after him, right? We've gotta find Luke first."

"No, I did mean that part," Leia said. She pulled back and looked into Han's eyes. "You know, one of the reasons I love you is that with you, I get to be... _me_. And you've always treated me that way." She gave him a gentle smile. "I think— if Ben is going to come back to the light, we have to reach the part in him that is _Ben_. Not the Jedi. The person. The boy who used to fix the _Falcon_ with you, who wanted to fly with you and Chewie when he grew up. If he's going to give up that power…he needs to know that he's still someone without it."

Han nodded. That made a lot of sense, not that he was any kind of expert in redeeming Sith lords or anything. "Alright. I'll try—I mean, I'll do what I can." Han knew the Jedi were not fans of the word "try."

" _Try_ is just fine, Han," Leia said softly.

Han suddenly felt the need to lighten the mood. Who knew what could happen on this mission, or whether they'd be able to stop Starkiller before it wiped out the whole blasted system and the Resistance with it. He'd be damned if their last private moments together would be spent brooding.

"So," he said with a smirk, "you wanna tell me some of the other reasons you love me?"

"Hmm," Leia said, pulling close to him again. "Well, of course, your sparkling wit. Your vests."

Han laughed. "My _vests_?"

"They grew on me," she shrugged.

"Gonna have to start wearin' those again. How 'bout my dashing good looks?"

"Of course." She pretended to think about it. "Your junky ship that flies faster than most of my fleet," she added.

"Just _most_ of the fleet?" Han was mock-offended. "Well, just wait till I work on her a little bit more." He placed a kiss behind her ear. "How about—" He proceeded to whisper to her some particularly salacious thoughts he'd been having, and she gave a delighted little hum in response to his suggestions. They started kissing again in earnest.

Leia stopped him after several minutes, although it didn't seem like she wanted to. "Han. Wait. We're supposed to be having a reluctant reunion here. That doesn't work if someone hears us."

He kissed her again, then his breath was hot against her ear. "Maybe we're not getting back together. Maybe you're just usin' me for sex," he purred.

She closed her eyes and tried to suppress a moan. And failed. "I don't know that we have time for you to be that useful," she managed.

"I can be quick."

" _Quick_ isn't exactly a selling point. I wouldn't lead with that."

"Look, do you wanna get laid or not?"

Leia collapsed into him, and they began laughing at each other, in spite of themselves.

"Well, when you put it that way…" Leia said, still laughing. She paused. "Is it weird that I kind of _do_ want to now?" Han shook his head, smiling, and pulled her into another kiss.

* * *

Afterward, Leia handed him the winter coat that had been their excuse for entering her quarters together. "Go," she said. "Don't leave Chewie and Finn to do everything by themselves. I'll be out in a bit to give you an official sendoff. We can have another awkward conversation."

"Hmm," Han said, as if he were considering something carefully. Leia gave him a quizzical look.

He smiled back at her. "So," he said playfully, "what's the word on the base? You think the General and the Scoundrel will get back together?"

She smiled. "Well, I know how you feel about odds," she said, "but I have it on good authority that the General is still carrying a torch for him. So I'd say, chances are… _pretty_ good."

He said nothing, but smiled and gave her another quick kiss before heading to the door. He stopped again for a second.

"Leia." She turned toward him. "We can stop pretending after this, right?"

"Yes. You're coming home. And we're getting our family back together."

* * *

' _Cause of you_  
 _I forgot the smart ways to lie_  
 _Because of you_  
 _I'm running out of reasons to cry_  
 _When the friends are gone_  
 _When the party's over_  
 _We will still belong_  
 _To each other..._

-"Underneath Your Clothes," Shakira


	8. Chapter 8 - Why Can't It Be Beautiful?

_a/n: Okay, dear readers, I'm not gonna lie - this is going to be a tough chapter. As you read, I hope you will trust me and keep in mind these three things:_

 _-"TFA fix-it" still applies  
-"Eventual happy ending" still applies  
-Luke Skywalker keeps his promises_

* * *

It hit Leia like a thunderbolt. She'd felt this pain before, this sudden absence, this crying out of a voice—or voices—and then silence. It wasn't the multitude, like with Alderaan. It wasn't the light flaming out, like with the baby she'd lost between Ben and Jaina. It was most like the feeling she'd had when Luke had hidden Jaina's Force presence; it felt like her breath had been suddenly removed. But it was made more horrible because Leia saw it all, felt it all, from the second Han put his life in Ben's hands and said he would do anything to help him. And then the red lightsaber blade ignited. _I love you. I know. Oh, my love, no._ _No, no, no._

Chewie roared. Finn and the young woman—Rey, that was Rey—screamed, and Leia felt the echo of Rey's pain rolling through the Force: _the father I always wanted_. She felt Kylo Ren (that wasn't Ben, Ben was dead now too) and his cruel satisfaction at hearing the cries around him, at what he'd done. And for a split second, she felt another echo of pain, from a presence she hadn't felt in years….

 _Jaina._

"General! General, are you all right?" Her staff in the command center were helping her to a chair, bringing water. She'd doubled over in pain, staggered to the floor in front of them.

 _No. I'm not all right. Not at all._

"It's okay," she assured them. "I'm all right. I'll be all right." She accepted the water, and the chair, and let them send Dr. Kalonia down to check over her before she returned to command. _She can't do anything_ , Leia thought. _My heart has broken before. There's nothing to be done._

She kept it together the rest of the time: through the reports that Starkiller Base was imploding, their weapon destroyed, and that the Resistance base was in fact _not_ about to be obliterated; that Black Squadron was on their way home, their mission successful; that they had eyes on the _Falcon_ , which was on its way back as well. _Another of your insane plans worked. Never tell you the odds, right, Captain?_

It would be several more hours before they arrived back from Starkiller; Leia headed to her quarters after leaving a message with Traffic Control. She told Command she was going to rest, but she knew that was highly unlikely tonight.

Frankly, the only thing keeping her from drinking herself into oblivion was the thought that Jaina and Luke were still out there. And Wedge, and Chewie, and those two young Force-sensitives—Finn and Rey—whom Han had picked up. _Always picking up strays_ , she used to tease him. If there was a Force-sensitive kid within five systems, they'd somehow always end up on Han's ship, causing some ill-advised adventure.

She gave up trying to sleep and instead got up and made a cup of tea, settling down on the couch to drink it, a blanket she'd stolen from the _Falcon_ years ago around her shoulders. She set the bottle of Corellian whiskey on the table. They'd need that later.

* * *

Wedge hadn't been sure there would be a Resistance base to return _to_ ; all Resistance ships had been warned away from the system for several hours, until news of the defeat of Starkiller was released. So he felt a distinct sense of relief when he was cleared for landing on D'Qar.

His relief was immediately replaced by dread when he received the message Leia had left him, and learned from the officer on duty that she had nearly collapsed at one point during the Starkiller battle. Wedge remembered how Luke had collapsed, the day of the massacre. Luke wasn't there when it happened—it had been planned that way, obviously—but he had felt it, through the Force. _Something terrible has happened_ , Wedge realized.

He nearly sprinted to Leia's quarters.

* * *

"It's open," Leia called when he knocked.

He entered quietly and shut the door. Leia was sitting on the small couch, staring down a bottle of Corellian whiskey that appeared to be unopened. He came up beside her and sat down, putting a hand gently on her shoulder.

"You know, it works better if you drink it," he joked softly.

She looked at him, her face seeming to work through several emotions at once. Her eyes were red. "Wedge," she said. He had never seen Leia like this. Almost…defeated.

"Leia, what is it? What's happened?" He was a little afraid to hear the answer, but he also knew that if something had happened to Luke, she would probably have been holding back a little more, trying to make sure Wedge was okay first.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds, then looked at him. "Han. He's…" She paused. "Ben killed him."

 _Oh, Gods, no_. "Oh, Leia. Oh, honey." He took her into his arms and held her. She clutched him tightly, her head buried in his shoulder.

Sometimes Wedge wanted to tell the Force to fuck off. This was one of those times. Of all the ways Han Solo could have gone out, to be killed by his own kriffing son… _Ben, what happened to you?_ He wanted to rage at his nephew, or at whatever that thing that used to be his nephew was calling himself now. Kyle Ron or some shit.

He held Leia to himself, patting her back, feeling her shake against him as she cried into his shoulder. Wedge could count on one hand the number of times he had ever seen Leia Organa cry, especially like this, in the thirty-some years he had known her. _Oh, Gods, Leia, he loved you so much_ , he thought, his own eyes starting to fill up with tears. _Why in nine hells he ever left you, I'll never know._

After he'd held her for awhile, and her sobs had subsided, she pulled herself away and looked at him, wiping her eyes. "There are some things I haven't told you. Things you need to know," she said. She nodded toward the bottle of whiskey. "It might be time to open that."

They'd tipped their glasses to each other ("I can't do the memory toast yet," Leia said, "it's too soon") and each taken a drink when Leia made the first revelation: "Han never left me."

Wedge gave her a confused look.

"We've been together all these years, but we had to pretend to be apart. To protect—" Leia seemed to realize that she'd started her story in the middle. She took a breath, and started over with the most amazing part.

"Wedge, Jaina is alive."

* * *

Jaina had always been something of a pleasant surprise, from the minute Leia had first sensed her presence in the Force. Han and Leia had tried to have a second child a few years after Ben was born, and it had turned out to be much more difficult than they'd expected. After years of no success, and one heartbreaking loss, they'd assumed that Ben would be their only child, and they focused on raising their son.

Ben was eleven when Leia realized she was pregnant again, and nearly twelve when Jaina was born.

Luke and Wedge had been married for almost six years at that point. They'd talked about having children themselves, but had decided that between the logistics involved and the fact that Luke had a whole Academy of students to mentor, perhaps they didn't need children of their own. They reveled in being uncles, regularly supplying Ben with anecdotes about his parents and their time in the Rebellion. (Sometimes they attempted to make events a little more kid-friendly for Ben's sake, but their sharp nephew quickly caught on to any of their attempts to sanitize their stories.)

And then Jaina came along, and everyone fell in love with her. Wedge was particularly smitten. He'd retired from active duty in the New Republic fleet to allow more time to travel with Luke, and often ended up babysitting for Jaina when he and Luke were on-planet with Han and Leia's family.

Jaina had always been fascinated with ships and with flying. She'd been in the cockpit of the _Falcon_ since she was tiny, "helping" her father and Chewie. When she was five, Luke and Wedge made her year by letting her tag along with them to their Rogue Squadron reunion, at which she got to spend quality time in the cockpit of an X-wing (on the ground, but that hardly mattered in her enthusiasm). She became the darling of the entire squadron, who dubbed her "Rogue Five."

Even her older brother—who could have been forgiven for finding her a pest, given that he was a teenager when Jaina was a toddler—had miles more patience with his baby sister than he did with anyone else. When he began to change and slip away from his family, Jaina had felt it keenly.

She was by no means a perfect child; she had a temper, and a _mouth_ on her, and was one of the most stubborn people Wedge had ever met. (Her parents were definitely both in the top five, so she came by it naturally.) But she had that same drive that her mother had, to try to make the world better when she could, and that same intuitive sense about people and situations that served her well, even as a little girl.

When the news came that she'd been killed, everyone had been devastated, but Wedge could barely function. He'd tried to pull it together for Leia's sake, for Han's sake, hell, for Luke's sake, but for the first couple of weeks he'd had trouble just getting through the day. He'd added Jaina to the litany of dead that ran through his head, the names that he made a point to remember and honor, lest they be forgotten to history. _Jaina Breha Organa-Solo_. _Jainey. Rogue Five_.

He'd just been starting to recover again when Han had left. And although he'd been angry beyond belief, there was a part of him who understood, who wanted to find a way to run away from this impossible loss. He'd been lucky, he realized, to go with Luke, to find purpose in helping his husband rebuild the Jedi.

And now Jaina had surprised him again, this time just by being alive.

* * *

Wedge wasn't sure when he'd drifted off, or how he'd managed to sleep at all given everything that Leia had told him last night. After she'd confessed the full story, and they'd both cried and had a few more drinks, Wedge had coaxed a clearly exhausted Leia to try to get a few hours of rest, before she had to be the General again. "At least lie down," he'd insisted.

They were lying on Leia and Han's bed—well, Leia's bed, now. Leia was snuggled up to Wedge, her head nestled on his chest, his arm curled around her, his hand resting gently on her hair. She'd been certain she would be unable to sleep, but had agreed to lie down if he stayed. He'd held her close, patiently smoothing her forehead and giving the occasional kiss to the top of her head, and eventually he'd felt her body relax and give in to sleep.

He looked down at her now, curled up against him. She looked so vulnerable; sometimes he forgot how small she was. When she was awake, her presence always seemed imposing, though he and most of the rest of the Resistance troops she commanded towered over her. So strong, so alive, she'd practically built the Resistance by sheer force of will alone. Well, that, and the fact that half of them were in love with her. And not just because she was beautiful, though she was. Her fire, her soul, that's what people fell in love with. Hell, everyone in the Rebellion had had a crush on her, whether they wanted to admit it or not. But Solo had been the lucky one.

 _Gods, Han_ , Wedge thought again. He'd let everyone think he was some kind of bastard who would give up on his family, when in reality he was so committed to them that he went on the run to protect his daughter, and put it all out on the table to try to bring back his son. _That's the Han Solo I knew_.

"I asked him to do it," Leia had confessed, clearly blaming herself for what had happened with Ben. "I thought there was enough light left in Ben. I thought Han would make the difference." Han and Ben had been so close, before; it was understandable that Leia had thought he could break through where Leia and Luke could not.

Wedge would not let Leia get away with blaming herself, however. "He wanted Ben back, too. And when was the last time Han did something just because someone asked him to?" he'd asked sternly.

She'd looked off into space, as if she couldn't hear anything that took away her guilt.

"Lei—" he'd turned her face to his—"you know he'd be fighting you right now if he heard this talk." Leia insisting on blaming herself for something that wasn't her fault had been one of the few things guaranteed to spark a genuine fight with Han.

She'd felt almost equally guilty about keeping Jaina from Wedge, for letting him believe that Jaina was dead and Han had abandoned her. Wedge was more than a little angry, and it hurt to know that his family had kept such a huge secret from him, but he understood. He knew enough about what had happened with Vader in Bespin and what Kylo Ren was capable of now to know that neither he nor Jaina would have been safe had he known. It would take a little time, but he would get over it.

 _Jaina is alive_ , he thought again. It was a wonderful thought, amid all of this sadness. Now it was more important than ever to find Luke and bring him back.

* * *

 _I know we're dying  
And there's no sign of a parachute  
So we scream in cathedrals  
Why can't it be beautiful?  
Why does there gotta be a sa-sa-sacrifice?_

 _-"Iieee," Tori Amos_

Kid: Wait, what did Fezzik mean, 'He's dead?' I mean, he didn't mean _dead._ Westley's only faking, right?  
Grandfather: You want me to read this or not?

[later, Grandfather is convinced to continue reading]  
Grandfather: All right now, let's see. Where were we? Oh, yes. In the Pit of Despair.  
\- _The Princess Bride_

 _Trust me?_


	9. Chapter 9 - Dying is Easy

**Chapter 9 - Dying is Easy**

Rey's thoughts were racing: _Got to find Finn got to find Finn got to find Finn,_ the refrain rumbling to the beat of her heart as she ran through the woods, the ground crumbling around her.

She found him in the snow and threw herself over his body, simultaneously praying and checking for a heartbeat, a breath, anything— _please be alive please be alive please be alive._ For a minute, she rejoiced when she felt his heartbeat, then she felt a rush of despair when she realized she had no way to get him off this crumbling planet. Even if she could figure out where the _Falcon_ was, she had no idea how she would get him there. He'd come back for her, he'd fought Kylo Ren for her, and now— _I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry._ She let out a sob, her head to his chest, feeling that heartbeat again, feeling him with her, so she wasn't alone. _Han died alone_ , she thought, cursing that monster Ren again. _I'm sorry, Han_.

Light engulfed the sky above her, and Rey lifted her head, expecting to see a First Order ship bearing down on her, or the glow of that infernal lightsaber of Ren's, ready to finish them off. Instead, she saw the _Falcon_ touching down, Chewie's silhouette in the cockpit. That wonderful garbage ship, back to save them again.

Before she could think, Chewie was at her side, Finn in his arms, and they were running up the ramp to the _Falcon_. Chewie put Finn in the medical bunk and yelled something that Rey didn't catch. He and Rey worked quickly to get Finn stabilized, and it wasn't until Chewie left to go back to the cockpit that Rey realized they'd already taken off.

 _How did we take off?_

It was a good thing they had, obviously; the planet was turning into a ball of flame around them, and every second counted, but—the _Falcon_ didn't have an automatic takeoff sequence that she knew of. And Rey knew that ship pretty well.

She was considering that, and checking on Finn again, when she was interrupted by a voice behind her. "Hey."

Rey turned to see a young woman there, her long, dark brown hair pulled back in a single braid, her deep brown eyes focused on Rey. There was something oddly familiar about her.

Then Rey realized with horror what it was: she had the same eyes as Kylo Ren. _Well,_ that's _alarming_ , Rey thought. But while Kylo's gaze was intense in an intimidating, cold way, this young woman's gaze was intensely welcoming. Warm. Open. True.

She smiled, and there was something familiar about that too, but before Rey could puzzle out what it was, the young woman was speaking to her. "Rey, right? Chewie's told me a bit about you. C'mere, got something you should see." She started leading the way down the corridor, not waiting to see whether Rey would follow.

Rey did follow, but she was not sure why. And she had a million questions, starting with, _Who are you?_ and _When did Chewie have time to tell you about me?_

The young woman reached the captain's quarters, palmed open the door, and motioned for Rey to follow her in.

 _This is impossible_ , Rey thought as she entered the cabin.

A man with long gray hair and a gray beard was bent over the bed, his hand gently resting on the chest of the man in the bunk.

The man in the bunk was Han Solo.

* * *

Rey sat at the dejarik table, sipping from a glass of water, still reeling from what she'd just seen in the cabin. She'd watched Han die—she'd _felt_ Han die, though she couldn't really explain why she thought that. The man in the bunk, while unconscious and wounded, was clearly alive; she'd seen his chest rising and falling with each breath.

All of a sudden, Rey had felt overwhelmed, dizzy, so that she almost couldn't stand. She'd caught herself before falling over, but the young woman had guided her to the lounge and made her sit down. After getting Rey a glass of water, she got her own and joined Rey on the bench.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure that was quite a shock," she said, "and we haven't been properly introduced. Forgot my manners after a few years away from…anybody," she quipped, chuckling mildly at herself. She held out a hand. "Jaina Organa-Solo," she said.

Rey shook it, but stared at her. _That's why she'd looked so familiar._

Jaina laughed and nodded. "Yeah, that's my dad in there."

Just then, Chewbacca made his way back towards them. He took a look at Rey's shellshocked face and turned to Jaina. [We're good for awhile; should be a few hours before we drop out of hyperspace. Finn's stable. You want me to stay with Cub while you two tell her what the hell is going on?]

Jaina smiled. "Sure, Chewie. Thanks." She made a sound that Rey recognized as a Wookiee growl, and Chewie laughed and responded in kind before he headed into the cabin.

A few minutes later, the grey-haired man who had been in the cabin with Han emerged and approached them. Jaina moved to introduce them, but Rey looked into his blue eyes and didn't need to be told who he was. "You're Luke Skywalker," she said softly.

He smiled, a gentle expression that lit up his face. There was a little bit of a twinkle in his eye. "Thought I was a myth."

"Uncle Luke." Jaina's tone was a little scolding. "She's already overwhelmed; maybe the teasing can wait until a little later?"

He smiled at his niece. "You're right, you're right. Sorry." He held out a hand. "Hi, Rey. It's nice to finally meet you." She shook it, and he continued. "You're wondering how Han got here with us." He sat down next to Jaina at the dejarik table.

Rey's confusion was clear from her face. "He…died. I saw it happen. I think I…felt it." That part still didn't make logical sense to her, but somehow she knew it to be true.

Luke nodded. "You felt it in the Force."

"We all did," put in Jaina. She gave Luke a pointed look. "Mom, too." Rey suddenly had an explanation for some of the things she'd felt when Han died. Or supposedly died. _But how did I feel him die if he's still alive?_

"I hid his presence in the Force. Like I did with Jaina," Luke explained, answering Rey's unspoken question. Jaina gave him another look, and Rey wasn't sure whether Jaina was silently chiding him for answering a question from Rey's head, or for bringing up more questions.

Rey definitely _had_ more questions, but focused on Han for the moment. "But why did you hide his presence?" Jaina seemed equally interested in this question.

Luke looked at both women gravely. "Partly, it was to protect us, so we could get Han out of there without… _him…_ trying to chase us down to finish the job." Rey shuddered, remembering how Kylo Ren had stalked her and Finn on their way to the _Falcon_. "But it was mostly so that he'd think…that he'd actually done it. That he'd really killed his own father."

Jaina suddenly understood. "To see if any of Ben was left in there. Any regret. Any light." Luke nodded.

"Was there?" asked Rey, though she was pretty sure she already knew. Luke's face was grim. He simply shook his head.

* * *

After Rey had recovered a bit more, and they'd spent some time looking after Finn, they went back into the captain's quarters to see Han.

Rey sat beside him, tentatively putting her hand on his arm. She was almost afraid to touch him. "I just…can't believe it," she said softly. He still had a wound in his chest, but it was nothing like she would have expected from what she'd witnessed. She'd seen, up close, what damage a lightsaber could do. Finn's condition was enough evidence of that, and he hadn't been struck through the chest.

[Girlcub did it,] growled Chewie, ruffling Jaina's hair with his paw.

Jaina scratched Chewie behind his ear affectionately in return, but shook her head. "No, Uncle Luke is the one who saved him," she explained to Rey. "I did what I could to help heal him through the Force."

Luke smiled. "Chewie's right," he said. "Jaina did it."

* * *

 ** _Two hours earlier…._**

Jaina was grateful to find that her palm print still worked to access the _Falcon_. They'd hiked up from the oscillator, her father's limp body on Luke's back. She still wasn't quite sure exactly how he'd managed to rescue her father from the depths of the base, but that was a story for another time. "Medical bunk's that way," she reminded Luke.

But Luke was heading toward the captain's quarters. "You'll need more room than that," he told her. "It's time to use what you've learned."

Jaina felt suddenly tentative. She palmed open the door, and Luke carefully laid her father down on the bed.

Luke seemed to sense her hesitance and turned to reassure her. "Jaina," he said gently, "it has to be you. Trust yourself. It's time." She nodded, took a deep breath, and sat down next to the bunk.

Jaina took her father's hand, then closed her eyes and calmed her mind. She found the Force thrumming through her, another heartbeat. She waited until the Force and her own heartbeat were in tandem, then gently reached out for her father's Force presence.

Healing through the Force was a complicated thing. There wasn't one way to do it; much of it was instinctual and depended on remaining fully in the presence of the person whom you were trying to heal. Cuts and minor wounds were easy enough. With those, it was like moving anything else with the Force—just moving tissues and binding them back together carefully.

A lightsaber wound—particularly a lightsaber wound to the chest—required a much deeper type of healing, and was much more difficult. Jaina had learned through her studies that the most effective way to heal a profound injury like that was to let the Force enhance the healing potential already present in the being. The mind, the memories, the spirit needed to join with the body to help it heal.

It was difficult to find Han's Force presence—Luke had hidden it, and because of Han's injuries his light had already substantially dimmed—but as someone else who was hidden in the Force, Jaina already knew how to look for the thread and grasp it. _I've got you, Daddy. Hang on_.

She dove in like she was swimming in the waves on Ahch-To, and it wasn't long before she started finding the strands she would weave together to begin healing him. She felt each moment, each feeling, each image, sometimes as if she _were_ him, sometimes as a witness.

Gentle hands were cupping his little boy cheeks. A woman with kind hazel eyes pressed a kiss to his forehead. _The other Jaina_.

The Wookiee with silver-streaked fur took a minute to ruffle his hair before returning to the vegetables she was peeling in the galley.

He was disgraced, drunk, beaten, medals stripped. Chewbacca's warm paw closed around him, wouldn't let him fall.

He was pleading with a woman, "Bria, please, don't do this, no, no…," pulling her up like a rag doll to his chest, trying to wake her up. She'd overdosed, he'd worried he was too late, he was so afraid. But, later, the same woman was alive and well, saying a reluctant goodbye.

Her uncle Lando slung an arm around her father's shoulder, and they laughed until their sides hurt. Broke as hell, the both of them, but that couldn't stop their game. Sometimes it was good enough just to be alive.

Her father was in the cockpit of the _Falcon_ , turning to Chewie. "Aw, hell," he said. "Turn her around. We're goin' back."

Then there was her mother in a white dress, young, beautiful, bending down to hang a medal around his neck, her brown eyes laughing as she caught his wink.

He was in the snow, freezing, barely able to move, bending over someone, pleading again. "C'mon kid, gimme a sign here," he implored, and she saw that he was holding her uncle Luke, who was nearly blue with cold. "Ben," muttered Luke, "Dagobah…"

And then it was her mother's face, her mother's eyes, it was Leia, again and again. Looking in her eyes: "That's it," before running through the ice-covered halls. Leia's face in the low light of the _Falcon's_ cabin, looking at him, trembling with want. His hand on her cheek. "I love you." And then a desperate kiss, "I love you," "I know," in the orange-red light of the carbon freezing platform. Her lips again, pulling him out of a deep half sleep, half death. Her hand on his, moving them through a sandstorm. Her face, giddy as he twirled her around and kissed her in the lush green forest.

Luke's face glowed in the firelight, Han gripping his shoulders in a firm hug. Lando was cackling with glee, recounting a battle won.

And then a tiny baby, fists reaching up to grab a chin, Han's chuckle deep in his chest. _Ben_. A mop of dark hair, watchful dark eyes, her father soothing him after a nightmare, holding him tightly. A young boy, disappearing into the innards of the _Falcon_ to help fix something.

Her father's voice was low as he watched Luke's eyes follow her uncle Wedge from across the room. "Think you got the real thing here, kid. Don't waste time bein' apart."

Then her mother's face was streaked with sadness, and her father was holding Leia, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead. Her tear-filled eyes looked back at him with love.

Now his arm was slung around Wedge's shoulder, as he poured them a drink. A wedding toast. "You're doomed now, but I mean that in the very best way." His Corellian brother.

Her mother again, placing Han's hand on her round belly, a tiny foot pushing against it. His wide grin: "That never gets old." Then baby Jaina, cooing, face breaking into a smile as her father entered the room.

"I wanna _Falcon_ ride, Ben! Please?" A gangly teenager hoisted the pleading toddler onto his shoulders and ran laps around the apartment, making whooshing sounds that were supposed to simulate the sounds of the hyperdrive engines. Jaina's dark hair bounced as she imitated Chewie's roar and then dissolved into giggles on top of her brother.

Her father tucked her into bed on the _Falcon_. "I'm eleven, Daddy. I'm too old to be read to," she insisted. "The hell you are," he protested. "All right, _I_ need a bedtime story. Why don't you read to me," he said, his arm around her, Jaina snuggling into him.

Her mother was grabbing him by the collar with a smile. "Shut up and kiss me, flyboy." Her eyes, her face, her lips, her soft hands in his rough ones. They held each other close in the bunk, his hand on her cheek again. "This is epic love, Leia."

Jaina took these strands and carefully wove them together in the Force. The rescues he'd attempted, the rescues he'd received. His balm for the hurts that could never be fully healed: Alderaan, torture, a lost baby, life in bondage. The fabric of love, binding what was broken, joining what was already whole. _Mama_. _Dewlanna_. _Chewbacca_. _Lando_. _Luke_. _Leia_. _Wedge_. _Ben_. _Jaina_. _Leia, again_.

The wounds that would leave a permanent scar. _Mama_. _Dewlanna_. _Bria_. _Ben_.

* * *

 _Dying is easy_  
 _It's living that scares me to death_  
 _I could be so content_  
 _Hearing the sound of your breath_

 _Cold is the color of crystal_  
 _The snowlight that falls from the heavenly skies_  
 _Catch me and let me dive under_  
 _For I want to swim in the pools of your eyes…_

-"Cold," Annie Lennox

Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miracle Max: Woo-hoo-hoo! Look who knows so much! Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.

- _The Princess Bride_

I told you Luke Skywalker keeps his promises, right?


	10. Chapter 10 - And I'm Home

**Chapter 10 - And I'm Home**

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?" Wedge asked, as Leia redid her braids in preparation for meeting the returning ships. "I can postpone the training exercises for later today or tomorrow."

Leia shook her head. It hadn't been a lot of sleep, but it had been enough to let her collect herself again. "Go ahead. I'll be fi—I'll get through this. Besides, I need you later. You've got to help me figure out how we're going to find Luke and Jaina." With the map to Luke incomplete, and little other data available, they'd decided to work from Wedge's and Leia's limited knowledge of the locations of the other Jedi colonies to find where Luke and Jaina were hidden. Chewie might have some useful information, too, both from his own memory and in the _Falcon's_ flight records.

"All right, then." Wedge gave Leia a last kiss on the cheek and squeezed her hand. "Take care."

"You too."

* * *

Leia would have embraced Chewie first, buried her head in his fur and let them comfort each other, but he was following closely behind the medical team caring for Finn, who looked to be pretty badly wounded. It was just as well; it had been hard enough keeping herself together as it was, and she suspected that a hug from Chewie might push her completely over the edge. There would be time for their shared grief later.

Rey came down the ramp of the _Falcon_ , looking tentative, but immediately gravitating to Leia. They'd never met, but Leia felt like she knew Rey, from Han's description and from the moment they'd both felt in the Force when—well, from that moment. Rey's face was somber, but her Force presence radiated light. It reminded Leia of Luke's presence, or of Jaina's, when Leia could still feel her. Ben had also had that kind of light once. Before.

 _Han thought of you like a daughter, too_ , Leia thought, instinctively wrapping Rey in her arms and holding her like Rey was one of her own children. Rey held on tight, like she'd been waiting to be embraced like this for a long time.

Leia's eyes were wet, and when they pulled apart, she saw that Rey's were as well. A second medical team ran past them and into the _Falcon_ , which struck Leia as strange. _Who else is in there_? Rey was trying to say something to her, but Leia was distracted, watching another person come down the ramp…

Leia gasped with joy.

Jaina ran into her mother's arms, and as Leia held her daughter for the first time in four years, she realized what Rey had just been trying to tell her: "He's alive. Han's alive."

* * *

At first, Leia could hardly decide whom she most wanted to hold first: her daughter, home again after four years of total separation and only occasional visits for the three years before that; her husband, wounded and unconscious but _alive_ , against all odds; or her brother, whose presence she had sorely missed over the last several years.

She settled for a long hug with Luke to start, and was holding Jaina while they all sat together beside Han's bed in the medbay. Jaina was a good six inches taller than her mother now, which would have ordinarily made her position leaning on Leia's shoulder a bit awkward, but Jaina didn't seem to mind. Leia was speaking softly to Jaina in Alderaani, like she had when Jaina was a little girl. " _Meu nenila_ ," she said, smoothing her daughter's hair, hugging her tightly. " _Meu abinaat_." _My baby girl_. _My daughter_.

Dr. Kalonia had evaluated Han's and Finn's conditions with amazement. These days, it was rare to see a lightsaber wound at all, much less one that had failed to kill its recipient. To have two men in her medbay, alive, wounded by a lightsaber but still in stable condition, was remarkable. It was also rather remarkable to put the words _Force healing_ under the treatment information section of their medical records, but she did it anyway.

"He should wake up in the next day or so," she'd told Leia before leaving to check on Finn again. "He's had a lot of trauma, but I think the worst of his recovery is over."

Leia had thanked her, and ignored the wide-eyed looks Kalonia's assistant had given Leia as she took Han's hand in one of hers.

The rest of the base was already buzzing, she knew. In a pair of moves that were rare for Leia, she'd postponed the debriefing session for the Starkiller battle, and handed over her command duties to Admiral Statura for the day. Everyone knew that she was in the medbay with her supposedly estranged husband, her supposedly dead daughter, and the brother/Jedi master who had supposedly abandoned her and run away from everything. Not to mention that she was sure at least _someone_ had seen Wedge leaving her quarters early this morning.

But if Leia had cared that much about what people had to say about her, she probably would have given up long ago. She chuckled at the thought of the gossip she must be inspiring at the moment, and held on to Jaina as Luke told the story of Han's miraculous rescue.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Wedge returned from leading the training exercises, and as he approached D'Qar, his mind was already on what would be waiting for him back on base. He hoped that seeing the _Falcon_ again hadn't been too hard for Leia, and that Chewie was okay. It would be good to see him again, although Wedge wished the circumstances were far different.

When they'd told him that someone was waiting for him in the docking bay, he'd assumed it was Leia, although he'd wondered fleetingly why they didn't just say that the General was waiting for him.

It wasn't Leia.

Luke's appearance was the extreme version of what Wedge used to refer to as his "Old Jedi Hermit look." His hair was long and wild, a little grayer than before; his beard was long and just a touch away from being unruly; he was wearing a set of worn robes that Wedge could have sworn they'd thrown out years ago. But his blue eyes were shining, and he was smiling that smile that melted Wedge every time.

Their kiss was tender, long, slow, just as Wedge remembered their last kiss before Luke left. Luke's arms around him were strong and firm. They felt safe. _Like home_. They kissed again, then sank into each other's arms. And that was when Wedge lost it.

He'd lived through decades of battles, had plenty of friends who never came home, lost too many people he'd loved. He'd been away from Luke before, many times. He'd shed plenty of tears over the years, but nothing like this. Honestly, Wedge wasn't sure what was happening to him. Maybe it was losing Han. Maybe it was the memory of comforting Leia last night, of seeing her so wrecked with grief. Maybe it was just that it had been four long years. Whatever it was, Wedge was full-on ugly-crying in his husband's arms, in view of everyone in the hangar.

He looked up and saw that Luke was crying, too. Maybe with fewer incoherent sobs, but crying nonetheless. "Don't go," Wedge implored him. "Don't leave me again."

"No," Luke said, his face streaked with tears, but still smiling. He put a hand to his husband's face. "I'm home."

* * *

"Thanks, but I'm fine, really." Rey was quickly becoming an expert at deflecting attempts to get her to leave Finn's side. Dr. Kalonia had said Finn would most likely fully recover and should wake up in a matter of days, but Rey had resisted multiple suggestions that she go rest, or go to the mess to eat, or do anything else that would take her away from him. He'd risked so much to come back for her, to defend her; it seemed wrong to leave, even for a minute.

Poe had recently arrived at Finn's bedside after finishing his duties for the day, and had brought his reports to work on while he was there. He and Rey had been getting along famously, sharing their stories of how Finn had come into their lives. Given that Poe seemed equally devoted to Finn, his arrival had removed Rey's last excuse for not taking a break from her vigil. Still, she was doing her best to stand firm.

"Rey." Jaina gave her a stern look. "You hardly ate anything on the _Falcon_. And I can't imagine the First Order was feeding their prisoners very well."

At the mention of First Order prisoners, Poe's eyes widened, but he quickly masked his reaction and looked up at Jaina. He studied her face for a moment, then grinned, his eyes twinkling. "You're the General's daughter."

Jaina smiled back. "I am," she confirmed, holding out a hand. "Jaina Organa-Solo."

"Poe Dameron." He shook her hand firmly.

Jaina raised an eyebrow at him, still smiling. "You're one of my mother's favorite pilots."

" _One_ of?" Poe was not very good at pretending to be offended; there was still laughter in his eyes.

"Well," Jaina continued, "you should be happy to be in the top ten, considering that you're not married to her or related to her. Or a Wookiee."

"Fair enough," Poe allowed, grinning broadly. Rey was really beginning to like this guy.

Jaina turned back to Rey. "I'm on a mission. Mom sent me to get something to eat, and to make sure _you_ eat, too. If you don't come with me, you're going to have to answer to her," she warned.

Poe laughed. "Rey, you'd better go. You don't want to mess with the General." Jaina grinned back at him.

Rey wanted to say yes, but something was still holding her back.

"I know you don't want to leave him," Jaina said, her voice a little more quiet and serious than before. "Poe's here. He'll look out for him." Poe nodded in agreement.

Rey still felt conflicted, and it must have shown on her face. Jaina looked at her with concern, then seemed to get a sudden spark of inspiration.

"I have an idea," Jaina said. "Would you—let me help you try something? With the Force?"

Rey felt a little uneasy at the mention of the Force. She'd noticed Poe flinch a little as well. "Try what?" she asked tentatively.

"It's a way…to find someone's presence and sort of...reach out to them. So you can check on Finn even when you're not right next to him."

Rey was surprised by the sudden flash of anger that spiked within her as she remembered Kylo Ren in her head. Jaina looked startled, like she'd sensed the "NOOOOO" echoing in Rey's brain.

 _Maybe she had_. Jaina looked at Rey sympathetically, putting a hand on one of hers. "He used the Force to hurt you," she guessed. Or sensed; Rey wasn't sure.

Rey nodded. She could feel Poe and Jaina watching her, and she had a sudden instinct that Poe had experienced something similar. Rey felt a wave of compassion for her new friend.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Jaina said, "and I don't want you to try anything you don't want to do. I would _never_ ask you to get inside someone else's head unless they invited you there. Nobody should do that, ever." She breathed deeply, then continued. " _This_ thing—it's like finding someone and waving to them from across the room. It doesn't hurt, and they don't have to wave back unless they want to."

Rey thought about that for a moment. "Okay," she agreed. She was still a bit afraid, but she trusted Jaina.

Jaina smiled at her, and took Rey's hand. "Close your eyes," she said. "It's easier to find the Force when you're not distracted by two handsome men." Rey giggled, and she heard Poe laugh softly as well.

"Okay, calm your mind, and then wait for it to come to you," Jaina said.

Rey listened to her breathing for a few minutes. Then she felt it, like a heartbeat getting closer and closer to her. She felt the beat gently align with her own heart.

"Good," Jaina continued. "Okay, now you're looking for Finn's presence. Presences are like…sparks. Like trying to find a certain star."

Rey looked for a light, as Jaina had instructed. There was something there that…strangely wasn't really there, as if Rey had seen it but had imagined it. A mirage.

"That's me. I'm still hidden in the Force," Jaina explained. "I'm there, but I'm invisible. Most people can't even sense _that_."

Rey found Poe, a warm, comforting presence. It was amazing that she was able to sense so much from someone she'd just met, and that she could tell it was his star and not Finn's.

Then she found Finn's light. Strong, complex, like a prism releasing color in all directions. It was strange and wonderful, every hurt and joy and memory wrapped up into a pulse of light. He was hurt, but he was coming back to them. To her. She could feel it. "He's _beautiful_ ," Rey breathed softly.

Her eyes were still closed, but somehow she could feel Jaina's wide grin. "He is," Jaina agreed.

* * *

Wedge and Luke were on their way out of the hangar when Wedge remembered something important. "Jaina?" he inquired hopefully.

Luke's smile got even wider than before. "She can't wait to see you. She and Leia are in the medbay, with Han."

Wedge stopped abruptly. _Jaina's here. In the medbay. With Han_. _With Han?_ His face twisted into about twelve different reactions as he processed what Luke was saying. Finally, he said, "Han's in the _medbay_? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Luke grinned. "No, I'm not. Han's alive."

Wedge looked angry and joyful at the same time, if that was possible. "I cried real tears for that fucker!" he complained happily, hitting his fist against the wall. He shook his head, laughing and crying at the same time.

Luke had been expecting a pretty surprised reaction, but his husband had managed to surprise him with his level of emotion. "You okay there?"

Wedge grabbed him and hugged him again, still laughing and crying. "Gods _damnit_ , Luke," he said into his husband's shoulder. "Two people back from the dead in the last 24 hours. You here after disappearing for four years. _No_ , I'm not okay. You're killing me here."

Luke squeezed him tighter. "I know, love. I know."

* * *

Rey's experience of finding Finn in the Force had been enough to convince her to leave him with Poe for a little while and get something to eat. She realized that she really was quite hungry, though she hadn't noticed it until the promise of food had gotten closer. Rey had become accustomed to ignoring her hunger on Jakku; when there was work to do, it wasn't useful to focus on the food you didn't have.

She and Jaina were on their way to the mess when they caught sight of Luke and another man walking in from the hangar, talking quietly. Jaina stopped, and looked closer.

A second later, she took off running toward the two men, her dark hair suddenly a blur in Rey's vision. "Uncle Wedge!" Jaina nearly screamed.

The man with Luke turned in surprise, his face lighting up with recognition, and he caught Jaina in his arms, swinging her around like she was a small child. "Jainey, Jainey, Jainey," he kept saying, doing some combination of laughing and crying as he spun her around.

He stopped, and pulled her away from him for a minute. They were both laughing. "Look at you!" he exclaimed. "You grew up! You're as tall as me!" She hugged him again, and he closed his eyes briefly as he held her. "Oh, Jainey. I've missed you."

Jaina's eyes were closed, too. "I missed you, too. I'm so sorry—"

Wedge was shaking his head. "No, no. Nothing to be sorry about. Just glad you're back." Jaina hugged him again.

By this time, Rey had caught up to them, although she was standing to the side, by Luke, to give them a little room for their reunion.

Ever the diplomat, Jaina moved to introduce them. "Rey, this is my Uncle Wedge. Wedge, this is Rey." They shook hands, and Jaina started guiding everyone down the hallway toward the mess. "You should come to dinner with us," she told Luke and Wedge. "I'm on a mission."

"A dinner mission?" Wedge asked, amused.

"When you've been through what she's been through the last few days, dinner is a very important mission," Jaina said, gesturing to Rey. "Come on." She linked arms with Rey and led them down the hall. Luke shrugged at Wedge, and they followed Jaina and Rey.

"Uncle Wedge gives the best hugs," confided Jaina to Rey as they walked along, then quickly corrected herself. "Uh, the best _human_ hugs." She looked around to make sure nobody was in earshot, looking a little sheepish. "Uncle Chewie would be very upset with me if he heard that."

* * *

 _I hope that you see right through my walls_  
 _I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling_  
 _I'll never let a love get so close_  
 _You put your arms around me, and I'm home…._

-"arms," Christina Perri


	11. Chapter 11 - Oh, My Little Girl

**Chapter 11 - Oh, My Little Girl**

It was Chewie who had finally managed to convince Leia and Jaina to go get some sleep; he'd basically banished them both from the medbay until morning, with a promise to let them know immediately if there was any change in Han's condition.

Jaina snuggled under the covers of her parents' bed as Leia tucked her in, kissing her goodnight.

"I won't be long," Leia promised. Since she'd been away from command for most of the day, she knew she would sleep better if she checked in quickly before turning in.

She wasn't surprised to find her daughter still awake when she returned, but _was_ surprised to see Jaina tossing and turning restlessly in the bed.

Leia hung up her robe and climbed in beside her. "You okay?" she asked gently.

Jaina shifted uncomfortably again. "Yeah. Haven't slept very well lately," she admitted.

Leia gently smoothed Jaina's hair back from her face. "Bad dreams?"

"Yeah," Jaina said quietly. "Visions." She paused for a moment, then spoke almost at a whisper. "I've seen Ben stab Dad five or six times now."

Leia was crushed. _Oh, my sweet girl_. Seeing it once had been horrible enough; she could hardly imagine… But then again, she'd lost count of the times she'd seen Alderaan explode in her own dreams.

"Oh, _Jainey-love_ ," she said, placing a kiss on her daughter's temple. "I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do it," Jaina answered.

Leia didn't say anything, but held her tenderly as Jaina snuggled further into her arms. The hum of the ventilation system was the only sound in the room.

"It feels a little weird," Jaina admitted after a few minutes. She was practically whispering, but her words sounded loud in the darkness.

"What feels weird?" Leia asked.

"Making you stay with me. I'm 17 and I can't sleep without my _mommy_." Leia could almost hear her daughter rolling her eyes at herself.

Leia chuckled and held Jaina closer, smoothing her forehead now. "You don't ever need to feel weird about that. I wasn't there to be your mommy for a long time. We're overdue. Besides," she reflected, "I still want _my_ mommy sometimes, and she's been dead for more than 30 years."

* * *

"I like your hair," complimented Wedge, as Rey and Jaina joined him and Luke for breakfast the next morning.

"Thanks," Rey said shyly. It had been a rather overwhelming morning already; with Jaina's help (and, she suspected, the General's support), she'd experienced her first water shower, washed and combed out her hair, and dressed in some Resistance-issue clothing while her scavenger outfit was being cleaned. Her hair was down out of her usual buns and hanging loose, except for a small portion pulled up into a knot at the crown of her head.

Wedge turned to Luke. "Now we just have to take care of you," he teased.

Luke hadn't been expecting that. "What?"

"Well, it's not that I'm not thrilled that you're back, but—what is happening with…this?" Wedge asked, gesturing to Luke's wild mane of hair and his long beard.

Jaina laughed. "I told you," she sang softly, cocking her eyebrow at Luke. She turned to Wedge. "It would've been worse, but I made him let me trim it occasionally."

"It was _worse_?" Wedge made a face, and Rey laughed. She was rather grateful not to be the center of attention, and was enjoying the gentle back-and-forth among Jaina's family.

Luke, on the other hand, was mildly peeved to be ganged up on by his husband and his niece. "Hey, I thought you loved me no matter what I looked like!" he protested.

Wedge soothed him with his usual charm. "I do, but I like it better when I don't have to go on an expedition to find your face," he said, kissing Luke gently on the cheek. Jaina rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

Luke pecked him on the cheek and then changed the subject, turning to Rey. "I understand you're interested in meditating with us," he said.

Rey nodded. Since Jaina had taught her to find Finn in the Force, she'd been practicing it regularly, each time delighted to discover Finn's light. Jaina had been telling her a little about the Force training she'd done with Luke, but was obviously trying not to oversell it and scare Rey off. Honestly, Rey still wasn't sure how much she really wanted to have to do with the Force, but meditation seemed relatively safe.

"How about after breakfast?" Luke suggested.

"Can't," put in Jaina. "They're doing the debriefing for the Starkiller Base mission this morning. Rey's going to relieve Poe with Finn. And I need to be back with Dad before Mom leaves," she explained.

"I thought Chewie was with him," said Wedge.

Jaina chuckled mildly. "Chewie kicked us out last night, so Mom and I did it to him this morning."

Rey continued to watch them all as she ate her breakfast. Niima Outpost had been a place for loners; about the best way you could show someone friendship there was to watch their back but leave them the hell alone. Jaina and her family were so different, yet it felt oddly comfortable for Rey to be around them. Not to mention entertaining. Yesterday, she'd watched Jaina try to convince Wedge that Jaina and Rey were ready to take up some X-wings ("C'mon, I've been flying the _Falcon_ since I was thirteen! Rey flew it through a firefight!"), tease Luke relentlessly, have a lively discussion with Chewie in Shryiiwook (also about flying, as far as Rey could tell), and laugh with the General. Rey wasn't sure what would happen when everyone woke up, but she was happy to be with all of them for now.

Jaina looked at her chrono, then at Rey. "Time for us to get back."

"Don't forget the muffins," Rey reminded her.

" _Thank_ you." Jaina looked at Wedge and Luke, who were observing with interest. "Mom only had kaffe this morning, so we're going to have Poe bring muffins to the briefing so she'll eat something," she explained.

Wedge smirked at her. "You're going to do that to poor Poe?"

"Do _what_? Oh…" Jaina grinned, understanding. "You mean because he has that crush on Mom. And then he brings breakfast to the briefing for her…"

Wedge nodded. "Not exactly subtle."

"It's not like he's hiding it," Jaina countered. Wedge gave her a look. "Wait, he thinks he's _hiding_ it?"

Rey tugged her arm. "It was Poe's idea, anyway," she said. "C'mon, we don't want them to be late."

* * *

Han's eyelids fluttered open. His vision was a little foggy at first, but he immediately recognized the face emerging in front of him. Those eyes, just like Leia's. That smile, a mirror of his.

"Jaina," he breathed, trying to reach his hand up to cup her cheek, the way he had Ben's. _Wait_ , he thought, suddenly recalling what had happened with Ben. _Am I dead? Is she dead? Are we in the Force?_

 _Maybe not_. He remembered, after he fell, hearing Luke's voice. "You didn't think I was going to let you go out like that, did you?" Luke had asked, and if Han had been capable of laughing at that point, he would have. _Of course_ Luke would show up to rescue him from a fall into a chasm, in the middle of a First Order thermal oscillator set to explode, after Han had been 'sabered in the chest by his own kriffing son. The kid had always had a flair for the dramatic. Not to mention a fondness for the daring last-minute rescue.

"Daddy," Jaina said softly, taking his hand. Her hand was warm and soft. No, they were definitely alive.

"How're you doin', baby girl?" he responded. His voice was rough and weak, like he'd been feasting on gravel.

She gave him a mock-reproachful look of the kind her mother had perfected, complete with raised eyebrow. "I'm a Jedi now, Daddy," she corrected. All grown up, or just about.

His face broke out in a crooked grin. "Hells yeah you are." Jaina grinned back at him, and he held out his arms. "C'mere, kiddo."

Jaina bent forward and carefully hugged him, although it was a little difficult with him still in the bed. He squeezed her and patted her back gently. "Really missed you, Jai," he said, his voice almost breaking a little.

"Missed you too, Daddy." She let him go, but not before giving him a little kiss on the cheek.

Han started looking around. "Where's—"

"Mom? She's on her way. She was in a briefing, but I told Uncle Luke and he told her when you woke up," Jaina explained.

 _Ah, communication by Force user_. Han would never quite get used to that. And Jaina must still be hidden, if she couldn't communicate with Leia directly through the Force yet. Also, if Leia was okay, that meant that the Starkiller mission had been at least somewhat successful. And Luke was around here somewhere. _Hell, how long have I been out?_

"Two days," Jaina answered, smiling at him. "Sorry. I know you hate it when I do that."

Han grinned. "I don't know. Was gettin' a little boring around the ship without somebody tryin' to do their Jedi mind thing," he teased.

The mock-reproachful look came back, a little less mocking this time. "Daddy. You know that only works on the weak-minded." She raised her eyebrow higher. "And _boring_? Really?"

Despite his teasing, Han was feeling pretty emotional. _Jaina, here. Safe. And_ gods _, looking more like her mother than ever._

Just then, Leia walked into the room, as if he'd managed to summon her with that thought. He sat up a little in bed as she approached. "Hey, Princess."

She placed one hand on his shoulder and another on his cheek, smiling at him. "Hey," she said quietly. Her brown eyes were shining, and she was looking at him carefully, like she was trying to memorize his face.

He smiled lovingly at her. _Gods, I've missed you, Sweetheart_. "I'm all right," he promised, his voice stronger now.

Leia exhaled with relief. Then she smirked at him, shaking her head. "Nerfherder."

Han reflexively started to give her his best "What'd I do?" face, when she pulled him to her and kissed him. _Well, all right_. _Either I'm finally home, or I'm dead and having the best afterlife ever._ He kissed her back.

Jaina had backed away to give her parents a little space. When they finally pulled apart a few minutes later, she gave a little laugh. "Huh. Less than five minutes. Chewie wins."

"Wins _what_?" Han demanded.

Jaina had a smug look on her face. "We had a bet. How long it would take after Dad woke up for you two to start making out."

Both her parents laughed. Leia sat down beside Han on the edge of his bed. He scooted over slightly to make room and sat up a little more, putting an arm around her. "Who all was betting?" Leia asked.

"The uncles, pretty much. Chewie said the first five minutes. Uncle Wedge had twenty minutes, Uncle Luke thought it would be thirty. I had fifteen minutes. Rey didn't want to bet."

"What about Big—er, Finn?" Han asked.

Both Leia's and Jaina's faces fell. "Finn's still unconscious," Leia told Han. "Had a run-in with…the same lightsaber you did."

 _Kriffing hell_ , thought Han. But at least Finn was still alive. He and Leia needed to talk about Ben. If she didn't already know, he would have to break it to her. _Our son is dead. Kylo Ren killed him_. But he was pretty sure she already knew.

"So…I'm gonna go, so you guys can…make out some more or whatever," Jaina said with a little wave of her hand. "I'll be back." She leaned down to give her father another kiss on the cheek.

Han squeezed her hand. "Bye, Sweetheart."

Before she reached the door, she turned around. "Oh, yeah, almost forgot. I'm supposed to tell you something." Jaina arranged her face into a gruff expression and, in a perfect imitation of her father, said, "That's two you owe me, old man," holding up two fingers.

 _Not bad, kid, not bad at all_. Han and Leia were still laughing when Jaina left the room.

* * *

Leia was in another briefing when Luke finally made his appearance in Han's room. Luke had finally cut his hair and trimmed his beard, and had traded what Wedge referred to as "those ghastly robes" for a black shirt and pants. After both teasing and praising Luke for his wardrobe changes, Jaina decided to give her father and her uncle some time alone.

"You did a pretty great job with her, kid," Han said after Jaina left the room. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Luke laughed. "I guess it was too much to expect that you'd stop calling me 'kid.'"

Han grinned. "'Course. You're still that kid in Mos Eisley who thought he was gonna fly his own damn self to Alderaan."

"And you're still that smuggler who thought we should've heard of his piece of junk ship before," Luke said, playing along.

Han grabbed Luke's hand. They were so much more than that. They'd always been more than that, they knew. It didn't need to be said.

* * *

The voice broke Rey out of her thoughts. "Rey."

Jaina approached, combing her hair through her hands and tucking a chunk behind her ear. She looked fairly exhausted, but that wasn't surprising, considering that Jaina had spent most of the day looking after Han, as well as about an hour helping Finn with some additional Force healing. If Force healing felt anything like convincing that trooper to release her restraints had, Rey was surprised Jaina was still able to move.

But if Jaina was tired, Rey observed, she seemed to be putting it aside to reach out.

"How's he doing?" Jaina asked, gesturing to Finn.

"Still stable," Rey answered, "whatever that means."

"I have a good feeling," Jaina told her. "I think he's going to wake up soon." She put her hand gently on Rey's shoulder. "Dad's asking for you."

Rey was not expecting that. "Me? Why?"

Jaina smiled warmly. "He wants to see you. Mom's in there with him, but she sent me to come get you."

Rey hesitated, looking down at Finn.

"You can find him in the Force anytime you need to," Jaina reminded her. "And I can stay with him for awhile, if you'd like."

"Thanks." Rey rose up from her seat slowly. She did want to see Han, especially now that he was awake, but with Jaina back—she felt like she was treading on something that maybe she shouldn't. She was heading toward the door when Jaina's voice stopped her again.

"Rey?"

She turned around.

There was that warm smile again, with a bit of a wink that reminded Rey of Han. "I've always kind of wanted a sister," Jaina said.

* * *

 _Can't you understand  
Oh, my little girl  
All I ever wanted, all I ever needed  
Is here, in my arms…_

-"Enjoy the Silence," Depeche Mode (cover version by Tori Amos)


	12. Chapter 12 - A Lot of Fight Left in Me

**Chapter 12 - A Lot of Fight Left in Me**

"You fucking bastard."

Han Solo was a charming man, and he knew it. It had gotten him out of quite a few sticky situations over the years. (And into a few others...) But he suspected his charms were having little effect on Wedge, who was currently standing in his medbay room glowering at him.

Han tried a tentative, "Hi?"

Wedge's features softened into a wide grin, and he was at Han's bed hugging him before Han could blink.

"What the _hell_ , Wedge?" Han grumbled, though he returned the hug gratefully. _It's been a long damn time_.

Wedge grabbed a seat by Han's bed, still grinning at him. "Sorry. I've just been waiting seven years to say that to you." He pointed a warning finger at Han. "And I still haven't quite forgiven you for almost dying."

Han grinned back, shaking his head. "That wasn't exactly _my_ _idea_ , y'know."

Wedge's expression grew more serious. "I know. I'm sorry about—"

"I'm sorry, too." Han stopped Wedge before he could finish it: _I'm sorry about Ben_. But Han was sorry for a lot of other things, especially for keeping the truth from Wedge for so long.

He looked back at Wedge. "Uh, Leia told me you stayed with her. That night." Wedge nodded. "Thanks. For bein' there for her."

"Of course. It was— She was—I've never seen Leia like that." He smiled at Han. "I'm glad she didn't really lose you. Hell, I'm glad _we_ didn't really lose you."

"Thanks." Han felt like it sounded inadequate, but he figured they both understood what he meant. "So, we're good?"

"No more runnin' off, though," Wedge admonished him with a wink.

Han laughed. "You got it. So," he said, changing the subject, "what's this about Jaina and an X-wing?"

* * *

As he approached the _Falcon_ , Luke heard the sounds of not one, but two beings cursing loudly in Shryiiwook, punctuated by the sound of metal banged on metal.

"You need some help?" he called.

Chewie's head emerged from the top hatch. [Little Jedi! Yes, please come in.]

As Luke made his way up the ramp and toward the engineering bay, he could hear another round of cursing in Shryiiwook, followed by Chewie's response.

[Smashing that converter to bits isn't going to fix it, Girlcub! And watch your mouth, your uncle's here.]

"I'll switch to Huttese, then," Jaina retorted smartly, speaking Basic now. "Cover's stuck. I'm just trying to loosen it."

[You could ask for help, you know,] Chewie said, reaching behind Jaina to get the cover off.

"Thanks," she said, still a little petulant. Luke knew that Jaina didn't really like asking for help with things.

While she tackled the power converter, Chewie put Luke to work rewiring the power to the fuel injectors, now that he'd removed the fuel pump that had been installed.

Luke was incredulous. "What _is_ all of this? Why would someone put a fuel pump in here in the first place?"

Jaina used one of the Huttese expressions she'd learned from Luke, which basically translated to "bantha shit for brains."

[Language!] warned Chewie, and Luke laughed.

They worked for a while in silence, then Jaina finished her work on the power converters and looked at her chrono. [I have half an hour. What's next?]

Luke looked up from his wiring job as Chewie pointed out a couple of power couplings in need of replacing. On Ahch-To, he and Jaina had kept up their mechanical skills working on their ship and other random electronics he'd brought with them. Wedge used to tease him about being a tinkerer, and Jaina had often rolled her eyes at the concept of mechanical work as a way to connect with the Force, but Luke found it highly meditative. Getting in tune with your ship, being able to diagnose a problem, and maintaining the concentration and focus to fix it were all excellent ways to still your mind; the fact that these things served a practical purpose as well was a nice bonus.

Chewie left to check on the hyperdrive, and Jaina started her work on the power couplings. "What's happening in half an hour?" Luke asked her.

Jaina gave him a satisfied smile. "My reward. _If_ I pass the flight simulator," she allowed.

 _Ah, she finally gets to try out an X-wing_. "You'll pass," he assured her, smiling. As Jaina had frequently reminded him, one couldn't meditate _all_ the time, so they'd occasionally managed to get her a little flight practice on Ahch-To. They couldn't do it as often as she would've liked—their fuel supplies had to last for several years, after all. But Luke had remembered being a bored teenager with not much to do beyond his chores, and made sure she got some time in the air. Not that she needed much training; she'd been a fairly decent pilot from the beginning, and had progressed significantly since then.

"You move into your new room yet?" he asked. Rey already had her own quarters, and now that Han was being released from Medical, Jaina was getting her own room as well.

"There wasn't a lot to move," Jaina noted dryly. "One bag! Done!" She returned her attention to the coupling she was removing, but kept talking. "You miss living with me yet?"

Luke chuckled mildly. "I'm sure you won't be offended if I say that I prefer my current roommate."

She arched a brow. "Even though he gives you crap about your beard?"

He tilted his head at her. " _You_ give me crap about my beard."

"You love it," Jaina claimed. Then she got quiet. Luke looked up. She suddenly had a very serious look on her face.

 _Thank you_ , she said in his head, _for taking care of me. And for bringing me back._

Luke smiled. _Think nothing of it_ , he replied.

* * *

Before Finn opened his eyes, he listened. Overall, it was quiet. There was a faint machine hum in the background, and an intermittent beeping noise somewhere in the room. Medical equipment. Droids.

 _Damn it. The reconditioning ward_ , he thought. He remembered his dreams, strange and confusing but filled with the faces of new friends: Rey, Poe, Chewie. Solo. General Organa. A young woman he didn't know, but who seemed like a friend, somehow.

 _No. I can't lose them now. I won't._ Finn sat up abruptly, his eyelids flung open as he tried to get up off the bed and run away.

A pair of hands gripped him firmly and stopped his attempt to vault off the bed. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. 'S okay, kid. You're okay, Big Deal. Finn. _Finn_. You're all right."

 _He didn't call me FN-2187. He called me—_ Finn's head whipped around to see who was talking to him. "Solo?"

Han grinned at him. "What did you call me?" he teased, but his expression was friendly rather than grumpy this time.

Finn wasn't sure whether this was real anymore. "But you're—you were—"

"Nope, alive. Got rescued," he explained. "Relax, kid. You're all right." He helped Finn ease back onto the pillow.

Finn's brow was still furrowed in concern. "Rey?"

Han's grin got wider. "She's fine. Out flyin' with my daughter."

 _Daughter_? Finn didn't remember Solo talking about a daughter. Wait, maybe someone had mentioned Solo and the General having a daughter, too—but wasn't she _dead_? Were they all dead?

"Rey's gonna be pissed that you woke up without her being here. We had to talk her into taking a break," Han continued. "You saved her life, kid. Then she saved yours, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I was a little out of it at the time," he chuckled, motioning toward his chest. Finn could see a large bacta patch peeking out from beneath his shirt.

"But how did—you were—" Finn was still reeling from seeing a supposedly dead man now very much alive.

Han grinned again and squeezed Finn's shoulder. "Luke. And Jaina—my daughter," he explained.

More amazing news. "Luke _Skywalker_? You found him?" _Damn, what else have I missed?_

"More like, he found _us_. Good thing, too."

Finn continued to look around. "Where are we?"

"Medbay, on the Resistance base." Han chuckled again, remembering something. "Huh. You actually _are_ a big deal in the Resistance now. You're also looking pretty good for getting hit with a lightsaber. How're you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. Tired. Sore." Finn seemed a little unsure.

"Good." Han picked up his communicator. "Better let 'em know you're up." He punched in a number. "Hey, Sweetheart. He's up. Yeah, fine. They back yet? Okay. I'll call Kalonia. See you when you get here."

Shortly after Dr. Kalonia had finished examining Finn, two young women in orange flight suits burst into the room. One of them hung back with Han, and the other dashed to his bedside. Finn hardly recognized—"Rey?"

In addition to the shocking orange of her flight suit, Rey had styled her hair into two braids that worked better with the helmet. She hugged Finn, then stopped and sprang back, concerned. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Finn's smile was relief and joy and fear and love all wrapped up into one. "Rey!" he said, grabbing her for another hug. "No, you didn't hurt me. I missed you."

"And I missed you." They were holding each other tightly.

Han and the other woman quietly left the room.

* * *

Leia had never been afraid of hard work. But there was a hell of a lot of work to do.

Destroying Starkiller Base had gotten rid of the immediate threat, but the First Order was far from finished. And the galaxy was now, to be generous, a _kriffing mess_. Leia and her team were working to find and help Hosnian refugees; protect the few remaining members of the New Republic government; help them figure out how to handle the emergency of the majority of the government being, uh, _blown away_ ; and salvage what was left of the New Republic fleet. Interestingly enough, the previous backlash from Leia's parentage and the accusations that she was a warmonger desperately clinging to the past had been all but forgotten in the wake of the Hosnian Cataclysm, as it was now known. In fact, some of the surviving New Republic officials had suggested that Leia herself come back to lead the New Republic. It was a testament to her years of diplomatic training that she avoided breaking down in hysterical laughter in front of them.

"I'm happy to help as you rebuild," she said graciously, "but my place is here, with the Resistance." _And with the Jedi_ , she thought.

She'd spent a fair amount of time with Luke lately, and had even begun meditating with him, Rey, and Jaina in the early mornings. But Leia knew she was overdue for a rather serious talk with her twin.

Luke felt it too, obviously; something in the way he'd mentioned wanting to go for a walk after meditation this particular morning had prompted Jaina to suddenly claim she was late for something and pull Rey away with her.

For a while, they didn't say anything at all as they walked towards the wood just beyond the outskirts of the base. That was the beauty of spending time with Luke; you could say anything, or nothing, and know you would stay in the warmth of his love regardless. Luke's presence was a comfort Leia had not realized she would miss so much, and it was nice to quietly bask in it again for a bit.

Luke found a spot of grass in the middle of a circle of trees and sat down. He patted the spot beside him, and she sat down as well. His face was its usual calm self, graced with that gentle smile Leia had always loved.

"You had something you wanted to say," he prompted.

Leia nearly began by thanking Luke again for protecting Jaina, for giving up his life to train her and raise her these last four years. But Luke's voice was in her head before she started. _You've said all that already. And you're welcome. But bullshit was never our style. Say what you need to say._

"Don't turn my daughter into a weapon," Leia blurted out.

Luke was surprised, but quickly recovered. "You know that's not what I'm doing."

"I know that's not what you _mean_ to do," she countered. "But I don't—" She left off without finishing.

 _Leia?_

"I don't want her to fight him. I don't want anyone to ask her to kill her own brother," she said firmly. "I don't want her to have to carry that."

"He's not—"

"I know that Ben is dead," she interrupted. It was the first time she'd said that to anyone but Han. "I know he's gone. But Kylo Ren"—she despised saying that name— "has his face. It's not going to be easy to ignore that."

Luke nodded. "I don't want her to have to fight him either. But I want her to be ready in case—"

"In case it's her destiny? _Fuck_ destiny," Leia said bluntly. Luke stifled a laugh. "No, I'm serious," she continued. " _Destiny_ would've had us both dead decades ago, and you know it. I'm not sacrificing Jaina for _destiny_."

Luke's face was serious again. "What if she decides to face him?"

"Then that's her choice. But I want it to really _be_ a choice. Not an obligation. And not now. She's still a kid."

"Okay," Luke said, starting to get up. _Old bones_ , he said in her head, extending a hand to help her back up too. They walked further into the wood, and Leia at first wondered if he thought their talk was over.

Then he spoke up again. "She's a lot like you, you know. She really might decide to face him."

"I know." _Unfortunately_ , she thought. They walked further, a cool breeze blowing through the trees.

"I need to ask you something else," she said, stopping to look him in the eye. "I think it's….time. To complete my training." Leia had done some training in the Force, but only to a point. She had purposely limited her knowledge and skills. Until now.

Luke gave her a frank look. "So you want me to turn _you_ into the weapon."

"No. Not a weapon. I mean, I do want to be ready to fight. I'll fight him if I have to," she said, not saying his name. "But Snoke wants me, and he wants Rey. As soon as he figures out that Jaina is alive and Finn has the Force, he'll want them too. And I'm not letting him take any more of my children."

"And me?"

"He knows he can't have you. You're too powerful, and you can't be turned. He wants to destroy you. Me, he thinks he can turn."

Despite the other talks they'd had since Luke's return, they'd never really talked about the real reason Snoke had pursued Ben. What Han had said on the bridge was true: Ben was a means to an end for Snoke. What better way to turn one of the most powerful (and even better, not fully trained) Force users to the Dark Side than to have her son destroy everything she'd devoted her life to building? To take the worst of what had been done to her and do it to others? To commit murder and genocide? And when the (supposed) death of her daughter and the loss of her son weren't enough to turn Leia, to have Ben commit the ultimate betrayal: murdering his own father, her greatest love?

Ultimately, the decision to embrace the Dark Side had been Ben's. But the plan for Ben had been Snoke's doing, just as much as the plan for enticing Anakin Skywalker had been Palpatine's. Leia understood that now. "That's why I need you to teach me," she said.

Luke smiled at her. "You're ready."

"I'm ready." She smiled back at him, a little rueful. "Took almost 40 years, but I'm ready."

"All right, little sister," Luke said, putting an arm around her as they walked back to base, "you've got yourself a teacher."

* * *

 _My power's turned on_  
 _Starting right now, I'll be strong_  
 _I'll play my fight song_  
 _And I don't really care if nobody else believes_  
 _'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me…._  
-"Fight Song," Rachel Platten


	13. Chapter 13 - But We'll Stay

**Chapter 13 - But We'll Stay**

The morning of the memorial for the Hosnian Catacylsm was cool and crisp, and the sun was shining. In a few hours, the entire Resistance base—with the exception of those on watch—would gather to honor the people of the Hosnian system, the lost leaders of the New Republic, and the ideals for which they all continued to fight.

Rey's main concern that morning felt ridiculously trivial in comparison. She had nothing to wear.

 _Finn's lucky_ , she thought. Poe had already made sure he was set with clothes, and of course, the flight jacket. The jacket was such a faithful part of Finn's wardrobe already that Rey had jokingly asked him if he wore it to bed.

So Finn's gentle suggestion that Rey wear something besides her scavenger attire to the memorial felt a bit unfair. And Rey was embarrassed that he'd asked Jaina for help with the clothing situation when she'd joined them for breakfast.

Jaina had, of course, been eager to help, and was now nearly dragging Rey to the General's quarters.

When they arrived, Jaina started to open the door, then stopped herself and knocked. She turned to Rey. "Have to be careful. I almost walked in on Mom and Dad _boning_ the other day."

Rey giggled. "Almost?"

"I came in, and there were clothes on the floor, and then I heard… _sounds_ —anyway, I left pretty quickly after that." Jaina sighed. "I'd be kinda grossed out, but…I don't know. It's kind of nice, right? That they're still that crazy about each other?" Rey nodded, smiling. They did seem pretty happy.

Leia opened the door and greeted them both, smiling as she ushered them inside. She was wearing a bathrobe, and her hair was in an intricate updo with a double bun in the back.

"Really?" Jaina said, gesturing to Leia's hair.

"It's a traditional Alderaanian updo, and I'm a traditional Alderaaanian," Leia responded. "Well, an _Alderaanian_ , anyway."

Jaina continued giving her mother a hard time. "Can't the last Princess of Alderaan _decide_ what's traditional?"

Leia turned to Rey. "Jaina hates this hairstyle. She thinks it looks like a baboon's ass," she explained, obviously undeterred by the criticism. Rey didn't know what a baboon was, but she laughed anyway, a little nervously.

After Jaina explained Rey's situation, Leia directed them to a box of clothes she'd stored in the bedroom. The box included a fairly random assortment of things that had been Jaina's four years ago, plus a few old things of Leia's. Rey was slender enough that she would probably be able to find something that they could make fit.

After a number of false starts, Jaina pulled out a gray wool jacket with a high collar and held it up to Rey. "Ooh. This looks like you."

Rey had to agree. Much more her than a dress. She took it from Jaina and tried it on. Surprisingly, it mostly fit, although it was a little tight and almost hilariously short in the arms. Rey was about to take it off again when Jaina grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back toward Leia.

Leia was now wearing a lovely deep blue dress with a cutout pattern at the neck. She was putting on her makeup in the 'fresher.

"Mom, what do you think about this jacket? If we…I don't know, cut off the arms or something?"

Leia took an appraising look. "It's good. You're right, it needs something done with the sleeves. You're not going to be able to move otherwise," she said to Rey. She turned back to the mirror and began applying eyeshadow. "You need to comm Wedge. He's really good at this sort of thing."

Rey was surprised. "General Antilles is good at…clothes?" That somehow didn't fit with her image of him. Of course, she mainly knew him as the man who trained fighter pilots for the Resistance. And of course, as Luke's husband.

"He's a man of many talents," Leia said, laughing a little. She turned to Jaina. "Go ahead, comm him. I can do your hair while he's helping Rey."

* * *

Han came in later to find a hub of activity.

Leia was braiding Jaina's hair into a sort of wave that circled her head, then ended in a braided bun at the nape of her neck. It was a much more grown up style than he'd seen on her before, and he felt a little pang at the thought of how much time they'd missed. _Beautiful, just like your mother_ , he thought, smiling at them both.

Wedge was helping Rey arrange her outfit. First, he'd artfully cut the jacket sleeves on a diagonal that still preserved most of the shoulder design, then reeengineered the discarded sleeves into a pair of long fingerless gloves, similar to the arm warmers she'd worn as a scavenger. They'd managed to come up with a shirt for her to wear underneath, a pair of pants that could be cropped into Rey's preferred knee-length style, and a belt to pull the outfit together.

"Nice," Han admired. Rey smiled at him.

He turned to Leia and gave her a quick kiss before heading back to the bedroom to change. "I see you're wearing Jaina's favorite hairdo today," he observed with amusement. Jaina mouthed "baboon's ass" to Wedge, who just smiled and shook his head.

When Han returned to the main room, the group had been joined by Chewie, Finn (accompanied by Poe), and Luke. Everyone was greeting each other when Wedge brought Rey in front of them to show off his handiwork.

Luke was not easily thrown, as a rule, but this seemed to have done it. He was staring at Rey, his eyes wide, as if she were reminding him of something.

Leia seemed to have figured out what. "A vision of the future?" she asked him.

Luke still looked a little stunned. "The future…but it was different." He sat down, then addressed Rey. "You were dressed just like this, and you came to see me on Ahch-To."

Now Rey seemed a little thrown as well. "The island? Where you and Jaina were?" Luke nodded. Jaina had told Rey quite a bit about her life with Luke on the island.

Now Jaina's eyes were wide, too. "Rey dreamed about Ahch-To," she remembered.

"You handed me my old lightsaber," Luke continued thoughtfully. "You and Chewie and R2 came in the _Falcon_."

Finn's eyes narrowed. "Wait. That doesn't make any sense. Why would Rey come in the _Falcon_ to find you and only bring Chewie and R2?"

That had seemed strange to Han as well, unless—"Because I'm dead in that version," he said gruffly. Leia grabbed his hand, and he squeezed hers tightly. "Luke and Jaina never come to Starkiller Base."

"And Finn hasn't woken up yet, because Jaina wasn't there to help him heal," Rey realized. "That's why he's not with me."

Jaina looked like she was thinking intently about something. She turned to Luke. "I'm not there either, am I?" Luke shook his head. "Because I'm dead, too." He nodded, closing his eyes.

Wedge had been very quiet throughout this exchange, but finally spoke up. "You ran away. In this version of the future," he clarified. "After the massacre." Luke nodded again. His face had a deeply guilt-ridden expression.

"But you didn't," Han said, still holding Leia's hand, but stepping toward Luke. "You didn't run away. Because that's not what you do." He looked back at Leia, then at Wedge. "That's not what we do."

Everyone was quiet. Finally, Poe broke the silence. "So, would this be a good time for me to say…I'm glad none of you are dead and we got this future instead?"

"It's almost time for the memorial," said Wedge. "We don't want to be late."

* * *

After the memorial, Wedge and Jaina convinced Finn, Rey, and Poe to join their family for a little private ceremony of their own.

Their observance of Alderaan Remembrance Day and the anniversary of the Battle of Yavin had started during Rebellion days and had evolved into a yearly tradition. They'd missed several years of marking this observance together, and it felt like the right day to start it again, even though the most recent anniversary had already passed a couple months ago.

Jaina and Han led the group to the same wooded area where Luke and Leia had gone for their heart-to-heart. After a short hike through the hills, they reached the bank of a gentle stream.

"Nice spot," Wedge admired, taking a few things out of the bag he'd brought with him.

"Dad and I found it yesterday," said Jaina.

Leia smiled knowingly. "So that's where you two wandered off to." Han put his arm around her.

The observance itself was fairly simple. For each person or group they chose to remember, they lit a floating candle and let it make its way downstream. If the weather was nice, they had a little picnic afterwards while they watched the flickering lights float away.

As usual, they started the observance with Alderaan. Leia lit candles for Bail and Breha Organa and for other close members of her circle of family and friends, and Jaina lit a candle for the children of Alderaan.

Before they moved on to Yavin, they watched as Leia and Wedge lit candles for Scarif, and for Rogue One, the spies who had gotten Leia the plans to the original Death Star. Wedge and Luke lit candles for the pilots they'd lost at Yavin, a seemingly endless litany that Wedge seemed to have memorized. They lit more candles for other battles: Hoth, and Endor, and Jakku, and several in between.

Rey found it a bit heartbreaking to consider how many candles they'd lit already, especially when she realized that all these were battles had happened decades ago. They'd already fought this fight, and won. And now here they were again.

There was a long pause, and an awkward silence. Rey thought perhaps they were done, but quickly realized that they were unsure of how to mark the next remembrance. Finally, Han took four candles, keeping one and giving the other three to Luke, Leia, and Wedge. "For those lost at the Academy," he said simply, letting Jaina light his candle before releasing it into the stream. The other three followed suit.

Then Wedge explained that they normally spent a few moments remembering other loved ones who had become one with the Force. Luke and Leia lit candles for whom Rey assumed were family members: Shmi, Padmé, Anakin, Owen, and Beru. Jaina lit a candle for "the other Jaina," Han's mother. Han remembered a Wookiee named Dewlanna. Chewie lit candles for several family members, and for the Wookiees who had died as slaves. Wedge remembered his parents. Poe took a candle from Leia and lit it in memory of his mother, Shara Bey.

The names were unfamiliar to Rey, but almost holy, like somehow all these people were living on in the lights flickering down the stream. The way she'd heard Luke and Leia and Jaina describe people living on as part of the Force.

"Would you like to do one?" Wedge invited, holding out a handful of candles towards Rey and Finn. "Remember someone?"

Finn looked uncomfortable, and Rey had a good idea why. He never knew his parents, didn't know whether they were alive or dead; his fellow Stormtroopers had call numbers, not names.

Rey had a similar problem; she couldn't remember anything about her parents, much less their names. And just about everyone at Niima Outpost went by aliases and nicknames; nobody used their real names.

It felt like everyone was watching the two of them, but before things had an opportunity to get more awkward, Leia stepped in. "We can remember their light without their names," she said kindly, putting her hand on Finn's. Wedge handed each of them a candle to light.

There was another silence as the group watched the lights float away. It seemed like the remembrance was over, but Rey could sense that something was still left unfinished, still missing.

Then Finn, lovely Finn, seemed to understand what the hole was and step in to fill it. He took a candle from Wedge and put it in Han's hand. "For Ben," he said quietly. Han nodded soberly and held it out to Leia to light, then let Jaina place it in the water. They watched the light as it traveled downstream and joined the others, the flame becoming smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared.

* * *

 _They will see us waving from such great heights_  
 _"Come down now," they'll say_  
 _But everything looks perfect from far away_  
 _"Come down now," but we'll stay…_  
-"Such Great Heights," Iron & Wine

 _Thanks for all the reviews! One more full chapter and a short epilogue still to come._


	14. Chapter 14 - Where All My Journeys End

**Chapter 14 - Where All My Journeys End**

"Mornin', Sweetheart," Han purred into Leia's ear. He was spooned gently around her, her back to his chest.

Leia moaned slightly and snuggled closer. He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and placed gentle kisses in her hair.

" _Lei-a_ ," he sang softly in her ear, an amused smile curling across his face. She had risen early almost every day of her life for "princess stuff," Rebellion duty, senate meetings, hungry infants, diplomatic breakfasts, or Resistance briefings, but Leia still was a rather reluctant early riser.

"Mmmph," she mumbled, turning over and burying her head in his chest. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, chuckling mildly. He could feel her smile against his chest.

He pulled back slightly and tipped her chin up to kiss her on the lips. After more than thirty years of marriage, he shouldn't have been surprised when she intensified their kiss and pressed her body closer to his—but he'd thought she was still mostly asleep.

Well. She definitely was not, although her voice still had that delicious languor in it that he loved, as if they had all the time in the world to be here in their bed, bodies entwined, sharing pleasure. No Resistance, no First Order, no lost son, no years of separation. Time was theirs, for a little while, at least.

It was safe to say that they knew each other better than anyone ever would; knew just what the other needed. Leia had also learned how to bring the Force into their joining, but as amazing as _that_ was, it was pretty much just an extension of what they already had together. It was them— _enhanced_.

As they came down, Leia made a satisfied sigh, now lying on Han's chest. His lightsaber wound had healed as much as it was going to, and had left a scar that looked like a large buttonhole. Sometimes when they were lying in bed together, she would absentmindedly trace the scar with her fingertips. Not that they would have been able to forget anyway, but—that mark on his chest served as a constant reminder.

Han kissed the top of her head again, holding her gently. "Didn't make you late for Jedi practice, did I?"

Leia briefly lifted up and craned her head a bit to check out the chrono. "No, I'm good for a little bit yet," she said as she settled back down. "And it's not like Luke is that strict on time."

"Just tell 'em you were meditating," Han joked. Shortly after Endor, Luke had gone through a phase when he was almost constantly behind for every appointment—sometimes _hours_ late—and it genuinely was because he had gone deep into meditation and had lost all concept of time.

Leia chuckled. "Luke would see right through that one," she said, "not to mention Jaina."

"Jaina would be _scandalized_ ," he grinned.

Leia tilted her head a bit. "Actually, I think Jaina's been around us too much to be scandalized. She just expects it. You know, Tatooine has two suns, her parents are disgusting."

Han laughed, then grew thoughtful. "How is it? Training with her?"

"It's good. It's a little weird sometimes, but it's good. It's funny," Leia reflected with a little laugh, "there are some things Jaina's still learning but I kind of knew already. And a lot of things she knows that I don't." She paused for a minute. "She's _really_ good."

Han didn't want to say it, but he couldn't stop himself. "Like Ben?"

" _Better_. You remember Luke at Borleias?"

"Yeah—"

"It's like that," Leia said.

"Wow."

Leia got a slightly faraway look on her face. "It's interesting. When she's sparring, she's…fierce. But it's not angry. She just gets this really calm, focused energy around her. It's really powerful."

"Mmm," said Han. "She takes after you."

Leia looked up at him quizzically.

" _You_ do that," he insisted. "Not Jedi moves, but when you're in a fight sometimes, you get super calm. And then— the other guy might as well give up." He grinned at her, and she leaned up to kiss him again.

Falling into the depths, Han's last thoughts had been of Leia, of how he had longed to hold her in his arms just one last time. Duty would call soon enough, but Han was grateful to have been granted this morning, this day, to be here with Leia, back where he belonged.

* * *

Luke was grateful to be with his newly extended family. Even if he had yet to win a hand.

"All right, Big Deal, show us what you got," Han encouraged.

Finn tentatively laid down the cards in his hand. "It's a—"

Wedge shook his head. "A Pure Sabacc. Lucky bastard."

Jaina leaned over to Finn. "That's a compliment," she shared conspiratorially. Finn relaxed a little, and seemed to be unable to stop the smile spreading across his face. This was the first hand he'd won since they'd started playing.

Wedge grinned back. "We'll make a sabacc player out of you yet," he said, shuffling the cards to deal another round.

Han, Jaina, and Wedge had learned that neither Rey nor Finn knew how to play, and had taken it upon themselves to teach them. "Can't be a Resistance fighter without knowing sabacc, right?" Jaina had said, and Wedge had added, "Or an honorary Corellian." Poe had been lured into the game by Finn and by the promise of playing sabacc on the actual _Millennium Falcon_. Chewie and Luke rounded out the group.

The next hand was down to Jaina, Han, Wedge, and Poe, and eventually down to Jaina and Poe. Both of them had excellent sabacc faces, but Jaina ultimately prevailed.

"Damn," Poe said as Jaina collected her chips. "And I thought you were a good _pilot_."

Jaina smiled broadly, obviously more flattered by the compliment on her flying than on her card playing. She still managed to sound somewhat breezy as she thanked Poe, but Luke could tell it was a struggle.

After several more hands, Poe looked at his chrono and stood up. "I'm on duty in twenty minutes. Thanks again for the game," he said to the group in general and Han in particular. He looked at Jaina. "Let your uncles win a couple, eh?" he teased.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I'll see what I can do." He gave her a wink before heading out.

"He's too old for you, Jai," said Wedge from behind his cards.

"Wha—I didn't say anything!" Jaina was indignant.

"Didn't have to," Wedge returned. Luke stifled a laugh.

[You should listen to him,] Chewie growled, and got a glare from Jaina for his trouble.

Jaina rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about." She went back to looking at her cards. "Besides, he didn't look that old to me."

Wedge gave her a sideways look. "You're seventeen. Pretty much everyone on base is too old for you."

This was clearly new information to Finn. "You're _seventeen_?"

"Eighteen in three standard months," Jaina said, sitting up regally.

Han had been watching this entire exchange with some amusement, though Luke could tell that he was holding back the urge to step in. _Smart move_ , thought Luke. Try to overprotect Jaina, and she would only hurt herself trying to break free. And it wasn't her fault that the Resistance was not exactly filled with other dateable teenagers.

"All right, kid," Han said, nodding at Luke, "your bet." He was clearly choosing to ignore the entire conversation about Jaina.

But of course Jaina couldn't let it go. "Dad, tell them. I'm very mature."

Han gave her a look that all but shouted, _You do not want to go there with me, young lady. Drop it._

Luke could sense Rey stifling a giggle as he made his bet.

* * *

Finn stared at the small crystal General Organa had placed in his hand. Thanks to the small amount of training he'd already received, he knew what it was. But that was part of why he couldn't accept it.

He handed it back to Leia apologetically. "General, uh, Ma'am, I can't take this. This belongs to your family."

Leia smiled at Finn. "Not going to let us adopt you, too?" she asked with a wink, but immediately stopped herself and held up a hand as Finn started to try to explain. "No, no, I'm sorry, we understand. We're going to help you find them, however we can."

Finn had recently seen his parents in a Force vision. He'd never seen them before, but he knew them. They'd felt so close, so real…he'd hated waking up from that dream. He had no idea where they were, but somehow he knew that he was meant to find them, even after all this time. He'd been talking a lot with Luke about it.

Leia took Finn's hand, opening it up and placing the crystal in his palm again. "It belongs to you. It was _you_ , Finn." She closed his fingers around the crystal.

Finn was really confused. "I'm sorry, _what_ was me?"

"There was an awakening in the Force. I felt it, and that's what led us to this crystal. I know now what it was that I felt. The awakening was _you_."

This was an awfully heavy thing to hear. "But I'm not—I don't even know if I want to—"

"You don't have to build a lightsaber with it. You don't have to become a Jedi. There are a lot of ways to use the Force," Leia assured him. She clasped both his hands in hers. "You have a gift. That gift led me back to Jaina and Luke. It saved Poe's life. It brought us Rey. And it brought us you." She smiled gratefully at him, then hesitated, as if this next part was difficult to say.

"You chose the light," she said. "You had everything against you, but you chose the light." There were tears in her eyes. "Any mother would be proud to call you her son."

* * *

The sun was setting as Wedge climbed down from his X-wing. It was the kind of sky he'd always loved: the reds and pinks and oranges made multi-dimensional by the shelf of clouds on the horizon, each color sliding into the other until a sheen of gold, and the long shadows of day's end, were all you could see.

He gave a few brief words to each of the pilots he'd just led in their training exercises. It was a good group. They were getting more recruits these days in the wake of the Hosnian disaster, as well as taking over a number of the surviving squadrons from the New Republic fleet. Wedge was fairly sure he and Luke would be successful in coaxing a couple more Rogues out of retirement as well.

And then there were the two other pilots he was training. His niece, and—well, he'd started thinking of Rey as his niece too, seeing as how she'd been all but formally adopted at this point. Not to mention—

"You _sure_ you two didn't have another kid?" he'd joked to Han and Leia, after they'd come back from Rey and Jaina's first X-wing flight.

"Pretty sure I would've noticed," Han had said.

"I know _I_ would have noticed," Leia had agreed, her eyes twinkling. Despite everything she'd been through, and everything left to do, Leia smiled a lot more often these days.

Wedge had shrugged. "I can't decide whether she flies more like a Solo or a Skywalker," he'd said, and it was the truth. In some ways, Rey was like Luke had been at Yavin: a ton of raw talent and enough sense to figure out the rest in a pinch. But she had a bit of that Solo brashness and nerve as well. Jaina was almost the opposite—plenty of that Solo nerve and instinct, but also plenty of that discipline and skill she'd likely gotten from training with Han, Chewie, and Luke. And they both had that Force thing…

They were walking just ahead of him now, the two dark-haired Solo girls, laughing and excitedly comparing notes about the flight they'd just completed. Poe Dameron had just returned from some training exercises as well, and Wedge could see Finn up ahead, waiting for all three of them with that sweet smile on his face. Finn was clearly rather smitten with both Rey and Poe, which promised to be an interesting dynamic. "They'll figure it out," Luke had assured Wedge when he'd made a comment about it. "We did."

Then Wedge saw them, standing together in the waning sunlight: Luke, Leia, and Han. The sun made Luke's locks, blowing in the slight breeze, seem golden again; lit up Leia's braids; smoothed over the creases in Han's face. Han had just said something to them, and the three of them were laughing, with that easy joy they'd developed together over the years. In this moment, Wedge saw them again at Yavin, laughing and hugging, tiny Leia bookended by her two beloveds as they left the hangar, arms draped around each other.

As Wedge approached, Leia saw him and smiled warmly. Their circle opened up to receive him without missing a beat. The four of them were back in orbit, sharing hugs, laughing together, listening to the familiar music of each other's voices as they all reconnected at the end of a long day.

And just before Wedge turned to embrace his husband, his love, his farmboy and flyboy and Jedi, he caught sight of Han and Leia silhouetted against the sinking sun, rays of gold in the sky behind them. Their lips met in a passionate kiss straight out of a holofilm.

The whoops and cheers from the Resistance pilots could be heard for miles.

* * *

 _Together again_  
 _It would feel so good to be_  
 _In your arms_  
 _Where all my journeys end_  
 _If you can make a promise_  
 _If it's one that you can keep_  
 _I vow to come for you_  
 _If you wait for me…._  
-"The Promise," Tracy Chapman

a/n: This is our last full chapter of Epic Love; there will be a short Epilogue that will be posted on Tuesday, but our story has pretty much wrapped up. Thank you for reading along, for trusting me when things got a little scary there, for sharing your comments and thoughts, and for all the encouraging messages. Special shout-out to yunmin (drinkupthesunrise on Tumblr) for her amazing sketch of Wedge comforting Leia in Chapter 8. I never thought this little idea would expand into so much, but it has been incredibly fun writing this.

This fix-it owes a debt to all the other HanLeia writers who have inspired me, but especially to Erin Darroch, whose _Remain in Light_ is a thing of beauty. There are a number of great fix-its in addition to Erin's; go to hanleiaarchive on Tumblr to check them out, too.


	15. Chapter 15 - Epilogue

**Chapter 15 - Epilogue**

"Get the door, will you? It's Jaina," Leia called from the bedroom.

Han finished getting out the mugs and moved toward the door, grumbling good-naturedly. "Y'know, it's kind of rude to do that talkin' in your head thing with other people around." He opened the door, where Jaina was waiting, her hair a little disheveled from sleep. "Hey, Sweetheart."

"Hey, Dad." Jaina hugged him and stepped inside. "I wasn't being rude. I was trying not to wake you up. Didn't want you to miss out on your beauty sleep," she teased.

"Eh, I'm pretty enough," he said. He gestured toward the counter, where he'd brewed a pot of kaffe for Leia. "Kaffe? Tea? Shot of whiskey?"

"Han," chided Leia, who had poured herself a mug and sat down at the small table. She was in her robe, and her hair was down from its usual braids.

Han shrugged. He'd been kidding, of course, but when it came to Force visions, sometimes it seemed like maybe a stiff drink wouldn't be a bad idea. "Thought she could use it. Maybe when you're a little older," he said to Jaina, with a conspiratorial wink.

"You got any of that cocoa?" Jaina asked. It was Luke's favorite drink, and he'd gotten her hooked on it when they were on Ahch-To, although to conserve their supply they'd only had it on rare occasions the last couple of years. "Why are you drinking kaffe at this hour?" she asked her mother.

"The odds of my getting back to sleep in the next two and a half hours aren't great. Might as well stay up," she replied. Leia typically had an early morning briefing with her key staff.

Han searched through the food supplies and brought out two packets of the cocoa, handing one to Jaina. "We expecting more Jedi?"

Jaina looked at Leia. "If Rey and Finn had the vision too, probably. And I think Uncle Luke is already on his way. With Uncle Wedge." Leia nodded in confirmation.

On cue, there was a soft knock at the door, and Jaina opened it to find Rey and Finn. They both looked startled, not to mention hesitant about coming to the General's quarters in the middle of the night.

"You saw it too, right?" wondered Finn.

* * *

It was dark, rainy, not unlike the scene of the Academy massacre. They couldn't see Snoke immediately, but they could sense his presence: cold, dark, cruel. The Knights of Ren were advancing, flashes of lightning putting their dark figures in stark relief against the sky.

A familiar voice snarled. "Now. We will finish what we have started." Kylo Ren's red crossguard 'saber glowed angrily as he strode forward. Beside him, the other Knights of Ren activated their weapons.

Rey was the first to step forward, her face grim and determined. She ignited her blue lightsaber. Finn joined her, his lightsaber a brilliant orange. Jaina and her purple 'saber stepped up next, followed by Luke and his green one, and finally Leia, wielding a purple blade like her daughter's.

In the hills behind them, the dark sky was suddenly illuminated in a rainbow of glowing blades.

The new Jedi had returned.

* * *

 _Thank you for being a part of this journey with me, and for all your comments! More to come in this universe for sure.  
_


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